Mental Health and Suicide

[Rhinox]

This week I was the first person at my job to ever get an annual performance review. To be fair, I think I'm like only the third Lt to actually stay in the position for over a year. It's not a fun job and the money sucks.

Long story short I do everything great but I have one issue that drove me to a "needs improvement". Apparently I am very scary. New hires (and one client) say they don't like seeing me because I scare them and they're afraid I'm going to yell at them. For the record, I have never yelled at any employee, even after being ordered to because they hugged up bad. I have used a stern enough tone over the radio that I got a call from our St. Louis Lt who told me that I literally made 2 of his people cry because I sounded so mean and scary over the radio.
No suggestions were offered, no way to really change anything. Yes, I'm big. I'm 6'4 and I have really bad RBF. I cannot change that. I have a desk full of toys, I use stupid accents and make bad jokes to soften my image. What more can I bloody do?

For the record, I've been fired 3 times for being "too scary". Literally, the paperwork states that my mere presence creates an atmosphere of fear and terror. I dress well, I'm very articulate in speech. I'm just big.
I'm so tired of this. We work security for hug sake. My size, my face, my voice was an asset. And now I'm being told it's too much for some. But what should I expect? I got fired from the DOC for being too scary for a parole office.

 

[Cybersnark]

the arc of the universe does not, in fact, bend towards justice. A side effect of that is that some very reprehensible people simply never face consequences for their actions. Everyone's probably got their own example in mind.

As a historian; it does, just not in a time scale anyone can observe directly, which makes it meaningless for questions of individual comeuppance/reward.

The very fact that we even recognize current injustices, and are able (in at least some cases) to actively push back, would have been unimaginable just a few hundred years ago. Most of us reading this live in a world where we don't need to go about actively armed and combat-ready, where food and supplies are (at least theoretically) easily available to everyone, and where we can be reasonably confident that our children aren't going to be put to death by the government if we're found to be related to the wrong family. Yes, there are Certain People who want to go back to the 12th century, but the fact that there's any resistance at all, however toothless, is a sign that they're the ones trying to fight uphill.

It's important to study history, to see that we live in an enlightened future, full of scientific miracles. It's equally important to read science fiction, to recognize that we live in a barbaric and primitive past.

 

[Rhinox]

This week I was the first person at my job to ever get an annual performance review. To be fair, I think I'm like only the third Lt to actually stay in the position for over a year. It's not a fun job and the money sucks.

Long story short I do everything great but I have one issue that drove me to a "needs improvement". Apparently I am very scary. New hires (and one client) say they don't like seeing me because I scare them and they're afraid I'm going to yell at them. For the record, I have never yelled at any employee, even after being ordered to because they hugged up bad. I have used a stern enough tone over the radio that I got a call from our St. Louis Lt who told me that I literally made 2 of his people cry because I sounded so mean and scary over the radio.
No suggestions were offered, no way to really change anything. Yes, I'm big. I'm 6'4 and I have really bad RBF. I cannot change that. I have a desk full of toys, I use stupid accents and make bad jokes to soften my image. What more can I bloody do?

For the record, I've been fired 3 times for being "too scary". Literally, the paperwork states that my mere presence creates an atmosphere of fear and terror. I dress well, I'm very articulate in speech. I'm just big.
I'm so tired of this. We work security for hug sake. My size, my face, my voice was an asset. And now I'm being told it's too much for some. But what should I expect? I got fired from the DOC for being too scary for a parole office.

For the record, this is me at work. I know I'm very biased, but I don't get the fear.

 

[Echowarrior]

For the record, this is me at work. I know I'm very biased, but I don't get the fear.

No offense, but if people are scared of you, then they must quake in their boots in the presence of Penn Jillette.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

This might be the last thing you want to do for a number of reasons... but if you transfer to Florida you will never hear about being too scary again. In fact if they see that on your record they'll probably just give you a bigger starting bonus. That's not a joke.

 

[Rhinox]

Nothing personal, but I absolutely hate florida. I can't stand heat and humidity. And my Ex's family lives down there. Hard pass.

Yeah, Penn is my celebrity doppleganger. I've heard that for years. No offense taken.

 

[Tuxedo Prime]

The very fact that we even recognize current injustices, and are able (in at least some cases) to actively push back, would have been unimaginable just a few hundred years ago. Most of us reading this live in a world where we don't need to go about actively armed and combat-ready, where food and supplies are (at least theoretically) easily available to everyone, and where we can be reasonably confident that our children aren't going to be put to death by the government if we're found to be related to the wrong family. Yes, there are Certain People who want to go back to the 12th century, but the fact that there's any resistance at all, however toothless, is a sign that they're the ones trying to fight uphill.

Oh certainly, and I'm drawn to the idea that Tolkien's Lord of the Rings is an unintended counter to Orwell's 1984, in that the former's cosmology will not allow even a literal fallen angel to stomp on humans (and other "speaking peoples") forever.

In the here and now and the time we have, though, it's hard not to feel a little Book-of-Ecclesiastes when bad guys keep on triumphing, pausing only to rub our noses in it.

But then, as a wise man put it, how horrible would the universe be if all the bad things happened to good people because they did, in fact, deserve them?

So: if the universe is unfair, all the more reason for us to be decent to each other.

 

[Echowarrior]

I worked a twelve hour shift on Wednesday. I work at a grocery store. The pandemic is a thing of the past, and the craziest thing we have to worry about right now is back to school season. Plus, I didn't get paid for my overtime for the previous week, and I still have no new supervisor.

I get that the universe isn't fair. I accept that. I just wish that it wasn't so overwhelming to deal with.

EDIT: Some good news. The overtime issue from last week is being addressed and will be corrected with my next paycheck. Still, I worked an eleven hour shift today, and I am worn out.

FURTHER EDIT: I worked a thirteen hour shift today, thanks partly to one coworker coming in an hour and a half late, one coworker opting to not come in at all, and us having almost thirty more orders than initially forecast. And we were forecast for something like a hundred and ten to start with.

 

[Rhinox]

So one of our majors is moving positions within the company. One of the other Lts, been on the job as an Lt for about 9 months, has just hit his year with the company, got the job.
He's got no experience with scheduling or any of the actual duties of the major. The captain who worked under that major was the other choice and got told 'no' even though he's been acting major for a bit now. The one thing this Lt. has is that he's golf buddies with our chief of operations. They're best friends.
He's been moved up fast, I mean he made Lt within 2 months of being with the company. But he's done a damn good job so it didn't really bother me. But I've been Lt for over a year. I'm senior Lt and one of the few in the company whose been in position for over a year. I didn't even get asked to apply. And they're having this other lt. do all the training of the new people they're bringing in to fill the positions.

I keep being told I'm doing a great job, that everyone is happy with my work and that I'm excellent. Really doesn't feel that way. Feels like smoke being blown up my ass while they find someone who can do what I do without the 'tism to slow them down.


Oh, on that note, took some overtime this past weekend. Was part of a group assignment, but then I got moved to an event space. Paid more so I took it. . . . . . .they sent me to guard the goddamn auction fundraiser for the Kansas City Autism school.
Everyone was very amused when I told them what the event actually was.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

My birthday last week was fine and all but...

My dad and I had the same birthday.

It will never be okay.

 

[Rhinox]

Had to work an extra day this week. Instead of friday, saturday, and sunday off I just got the weekend.
Went to pick up my girls from the ex. One of her dogs was at the door. Chance. Chance is very territorial and protective, but he knows me. Fucker literally falls asleep on me the second I sit down in that house. Teddy bear.

He hit me soon as I stepped in the door. Ripped the hug out of my right hand. Tore it open.
Instead of getting my girls I got 4 stitches, a tetanus shot, and a pissed of admin because i now have to push back my gun requalifications. Can't shoot with a ripped up dominant hand.

 

[MEDdMI]

Oh geez, I'm sorry. Any idea what set the dog off?

 

[Rhinox]

He's very territorial. I genuinely do not know what happened. Like, this dog knows me. Knows me well. I'm not a stranger. I just don't get it.

 

[MEDdMI]

Might be worth taking him to a vet for a physical/behavioral check, just in case. Hopefully your ex will cooperate.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

I would suspect that the dog perceived some signal from the ex and acted on it. Whether that signal was knowingly given or not.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

Remember last year when I had to close out all those permits?

Another one just turned up. Somehow the city forgot to tell me about it when they told me about the other ones. So now I have to get this one closed too before I can sell the house.

Why?

 

[Echowarrior]

Remember last year when I had to close out all those permits?

Another one just turned up. Somehow the city forgot to tell me about it when they told me about the other ones. So now I have to get this one closed too before I can sell the house.

Why?

Bureaucracy loves to do two things - make things more complicated, and let stuff fall through the cracks.

 

[CoffeeHorse]

It's only been a few dozen phone calls and some emails so far, but it seems like the city is actually going to be reasonable about this.