Mathew Broderick set the tone when his introduction had him singing in the rain while barging into Chernobyl. Then I saw Kathy Griffin and my soul just died a little. It was then that I knew...I hugged up.
Holy hell! 16 minutes in and the sexual harassment lawsuits are just piling up. I mean, I was alive in the 90's...and I just...I can't imagine this was funny...even back then!
Okay...I just saw an establishing shot of New York City and it hit me...this was made in 1998. 2001 hasn't happened yet. That said, this is a disaster movie made by the same people who made Independence Day...and the Twin Towers just took center stage of the establishing shot. I'm going to cringe hard later...aren't I?
Okay, Godzilla is finally making his first appearance. And much like Independence Day, it's a bunch of overly acted reaction shots, people getting out of cars, stupid lines....and New York City has a film critic as a mayor...which kind of tracks. But I think I've decided at this point that if I make a note on every time I cringe, this is going to be a very long post and it's going to take me all day to get through this movie. So...umm...yeah. I'm putting the iPad away now and if this winds up being my entire post...well...it is what it is.
Okay, here's something I actually wrote into CoPilot just to keep the narrative going.
Yeah...I needed coffee to survive.
Okay, with my previous statement of "I can't make a statement about every time I cringe or I'll be here all day...this little atom bomb just left me with...well...actual response.
Blond Hair Lady (because honestly, I can't be bothered to remember names): You never said it was off the record.
Me: The tape you stole was literally labeled "Top Secret" you STUPID...C**T!!!
"No cameras." Really? That's your concern right now? What's the lone press-man wannabe going to tell the world they don't already know. They've already seen a skyscraper-sized lizard being hunted down by a military that twice did more destruction than the monster they were hunting!
That is one hell of a cab they’re driving! The shocks must be the most premium shocks given to any cab anywhere. I gotta ride a New York cab sometime. Their an engineering marvel!
Oh joy! And it ends on a "To Be Continued" that...in a mercy that I can only say proves that there is a God, was never followed up on...oh, and a P. Diddy song that, even though it was made specifically for the movie, still has to be censored by Godzilla roars!
Okay...now for a few notes of actual review...
Okay, Fnu, I understand your point of taking the movie for what it is instead of what the title says it should be. I really do. But here's what the movie is.
Typical 90's action schlock that counts more on spectacle than story, actors that can't act, characters that make the most bafflingly stupid life choices, writers who don't write dialogue or scenes...they write cliche storms, jokes that aren't funny, CGI that was so early in the tech that it had to be hidden most of the time in rain, darkness and extreme closeups. Like, the rubber suits and toy vehicles of the original Gojira movie might be dated, but at least they had heart!
Scenes were lifted wholesale from Jurassic Park. Dialogue was just one cliche storm after another...with maybe a one liner here or there that I had to take a moment to debate whether or not it was supposed to be a joke before I proceeded to not laugh. Characters were as hollow in that way of I'm not sure whether to blame the actors or the writers, because I don't think either one of them did their jobs very well.
This movie couldn't decide if it was a monster movie or a poorly written comedy that makes me need to go to my Monty Python collection just to get something comparatively highbrow!
And maybe I shouldn't be expecting too much with Matthew Broderick. The only good movie I've ever seen him in was War Games. But...that other guy, the french guy...that was the guy from Mission Impossible and French Kiss. Even he was boring.
"Oh sure, but tell us what you really think." I think I spent $8 on this from Amazon and the only reason I'm not burning this DVD right here and now is because it has the video for the Wallflowers cover of "Heroes" on it. Otherwise, this DVD would be collecting dust on the shelf right...now!
BTW's...does it say anything about the movie that I couldn't be arsed to remember a single characters name except for Audrey, and the only reason I remember hers is because she was named after a man-eating plant that I would much rather watch than ever even think of this movie ever again?
Holy hell! 16 minutes in and the sexual harassment lawsuits are just piling up. I mean, I was alive in the 90's...and I just...I can't imagine this was funny...even back then!
Okay...I just saw an establishing shot of New York City and it hit me...this was made in 1998. 2001 hasn't happened yet. That said, this is a disaster movie made by the same people who made Independence Day...and the Twin Towers just took center stage of the establishing shot. I'm going to cringe hard later...aren't I?
Okay, Godzilla is finally making his first appearance. And much like Independence Day, it's a bunch of overly acted reaction shots, people getting out of cars, stupid lines....and New York City has a film critic as a mayor...which kind of tracks. But I think I've decided at this point that if I make a note on every time I cringe, this is going to be a very long post and it's going to take me all day to get through this movie. So...umm...yeah. I'm putting the iPad away now and if this winds up being my entire post...well...it is what it is.
Okay, here's something I actually wrote into CoPilot just to keep the narrative going.
Yeah...I needed coffee to survive.
Okay, with my previous statement of "I can't make a statement about every time I cringe or I'll be here all day...this little atom bomb just left me with...well...actual response.
Blond Hair Lady (because honestly, I can't be bothered to remember names): You never said it was off the record.
Me: The tape you stole was literally labeled "Top Secret" you STUPID...C**T!!!
"No cameras." Really? That's your concern right now? What's the lone press-man wannabe going to tell the world they don't already know. They've already seen a skyscraper-sized lizard being hunted down by a military that twice did more destruction than the monster they were hunting!
That is one hell of a cab they’re driving! The shocks must be the most premium shocks given to any cab anywhere. I gotta ride a New York cab sometime. Their an engineering marvel!
Oh joy! And it ends on a "To Be Continued" that...in a mercy that I can only say proves that there is a God, was never followed up on...oh, and a P. Diddy song that, even though it was made specifically for the movie, still has to be censored by Godzilla roars!
Okay...now for a few notes of actual review...
Okay, Fnu, I understand your point of taking the movie for what it is instead of what the title says it should be. I really do. But here's what the movie is.
Typical 90's action schlock that counts more on spectacle than story, actors that can't act, characters that make the most bafflingly stupid life choices, writers who don't write dialogue or scenes...they write cliche storms, jokes that aren't funny, CGI that was so early in the tech that it had to be hidden most of the time in rain, darkness and extreme closeups. Like, the rubber suits and toy vehicles of the original Gojira movie might be dated, but at least they had heart!
Scenes were lifted wholesale from Jurassic Park. Dialogue was just one cliche storm after another...with maybe a one liner here or there that I had to take a moment to debate whether or not it was supposed to be a joke before I proceeded to not laugh. Characters were as hollow in that way of I'm not sure whether to blame the actors or the writers, because I don't think either one of them did their jobs very well.
This movie couldn't decide if it was a monster movie or a poorly written comedy that makes me need to go to my Monty Python collection just to get something comparatively highbrow!
And maybe I shouldn't be expecting too much with Matthew Broderick. The only good movie I've ever seen him in was War Games. But...that other guy, the french guy...that was the guy from Mission Impossible and French Kiss. Even he was boring.
"Oh sure, but tell us what you really think." I think I spent $8 on this from Amazon and the only reason I'm not burning this DVD right here and now is because it has the video for the Wallflowers cover of "Heroes" on it. Otherwise, this DVD would be collecting dust on the shelf right...now!
BTW's...does it say anything about the movie that I couldn't be arsed to remember a single characters name except for Audrey, and the only reason I remember hers is because she was named after a man-eating plant that I would much rather watch than ever even think of this movie ever again?
