I hope you all will pardon me for a few minutes. I need to rant and there are fewer and fewer places to do so.
So a few years ago I got divorced. It was hard, life sucked, but it went on. Moved in with some friends. Life was improving.
Then came the seizures. My best friend who I moved in with started having grand mal seizures. Turns out he had a brain tumor pressing against his skull.
Cue a lot of hospital time, brain surgery, drama. For now he's okay, but he'll have brain scans every 6 months of his life. He'll never be free of the cancer.
Met a woman. Fell in love. Got engaged. Helped her through knee replacement surgery. She got sick a bit ago. Wasn't covid, we're checked too much. But enough that her O2 was dropping and I took her to the hospital.
Cutting a long story short, my fiance has lung cancer. 5 year survival rates are in the 25% range.
And yesterday. Just before work my mom called. She's had RA for years and with that comes the occasional bloodwork. This time it turned up a surprise. It's leukemia.
Once is a happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Thrice is a pattern.
Yeah, it's random. No, life doesn't actually target people. But how hard is it not to feel like it is sometimes? How difficult is it to not think that the world just doesn't want you to be happy?
It's hard. Getting harder. I've burned most of my time off with my roomie only to need it now more than ever. I barely get to see my kids, alimony and child support keep me broke. Admin at work actively hates me and is working to push me out any way they can.
You do what you can with what you've got. No one can ask for me. No one should ever expect less.
But man. It's getting harder and harder to do and there's less and less in the tank.
Sorry, just needed a moment. Please resume your normal activities. Thank you.