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@  PlutoniumBoss : (23 January 2021 - 11:43 PM)

Do you always model proper behavior after anime characters?

@  Tm_Silverclaw : (23 January 2021 - 06:34 PM)

Don't forget Yu-Gi-Oh and the Millennium items.

@  NotVeryKnightly : (23 January 2021 - 02:51 PM)

There was a five season anime with wearing relics as the premise.

@  PlutoniumBoss : (23 January 2021 - 01:16 PM)

You don't wear relics, you enshrine them.

@  wonko the sane? : (22 January 2021 - 06:23 PM)

Wrong holey... and probably the wrong way to dress too.

@  Rycochet : (22 January 2021 - 06:09 PM)

If your underwear is old and holy, it is considered a relic and should be protected with your life.

@  wonko the sane? : (22 January 2021 - 02:04 PM)

That's the argument we keep making: but I still need to wait till feb 8th minimum to replace my holey underwear.

@  TM2-Megatron : (22 January 2021 - 01:57 PM)

Personally I'm glad Ontario wasn't so misguided as to try to define what is or isn't "essential" for big box stores like Walmart to sell. If someone is stuck at home literally for weeks and unable to go out, who's to say a new TV or game console isn't essential (if only for one's sanity) if theirs breaks down?

@  TM2-Megatron : (22 January 2021 - 01:55 PM)

Although fortunately, Ontario's daily cases and positivity rate has been on a steady decline for the past week or so; if they can get the vaccinations back on track, there is some hope.

@  TM2-Megatron : (22 January 2021 - 01:53 PM)

And as far as Canada's lockdowns go, I'm guessing none of them will end until late March, or perhaps the beginning of April. What small businesses that might be left at that point will be allowed to open for their going out of business sales.

@  TM2-Megatron : (22 January 2021 - 01:52 PM)

Unfortunately the CEO of Target Canada made more money by running the company into the ground than he ever would have had he made it a success, so there was zero incentive to succeed.

@  TM2-Megatron : (22 January 2021 - 01:51 PM)

Target made some serious mistakes when they came into Canada. They focused on opening like 150+ stores within a 2 year timeframe and had no online infrastructure whatsoever; their website literally only contained legal blurbs and a store locator... lacking even the ability to see what they sold in stores, or if it was in stock and, if so, where. They should have started with 1/3 the number of stores with a full online experience including online shopping and inventory checking

@  wonko the sane? : (22 January 2021 - 12:35 PM)

See; quebec is under a new lockdown, have been since the 26th. It's supposed to end the 8th of february, but probably won't. Stores are only supposed to sell necessities (in deference to the stores which are closed.), but the quebec government made no effort define what counts as a "necessity", only punished them for getting it wrong. So I can buy all the candy I want, but not underwear, boots, winterwear, small appliances. Hell, my brother had to explain why he wanted a FUSE when he needed to fix his stove shortly before new years.

@  wonko the sane? : (22 January 2021 - 12:31 PM)

Targets don't exist in canada anymore. They lasted like 3 years before abandoning the market. But even if they WERE still here: they would be under the same poorly defined restrictions as walmart.

@  -LittleAutob... : (22 January 2021 - 12:10 PM)

Target's better-

@  wonko the sane? : (22 January 2021 - 07:51 AM)

HA! my walmarts can't even sell underwear. There's no clearances going on up here.

@  Steevy Maximus : (21 January 2021 - 11:31 PM)

Check your Walmarts: Post-Christmas clearances are going on and I snagged Need For Speed Hot Pursuit Remastered for Switch for only $5 (YMMV)

@  ZakuConvoy : (21 January 2021 - 03:15 PM)

*walks out on stage* Umm, I don't know how to tell everyone this, but Conway Twitty's been dead for nearly 30 years, now. So...*dances awkwardly as distraction*

@  tigerhawk : (21 January 2021 - 10:47 AM)

uh oh we need a distraction, ladies and gentlemen Conway Twitty.

@  wonko the sane? : (21 January 2021 - 10:20 AM)

*screaming internally*

@  -LittleAutob... : (21 January 2021 - 09:46 AM)

Everything is f i n e

@  TheMightyMol... : (21 January 2021 - 08:30 AM)

Everything's okay until it isn't. That's life.

@  wonko the sane? : (21 January 2021 - 08:12 AM)

Oh my god... I forgot entirely about yellowstone.

@  tigerhawk : (21 January 2021 - 03:32 AM)

Until the third civil war. Or yellowstone, whatever's good.

@  Nevermore : (20 January 2021 - 06:01 PM)

That's not true. An adult man is in control of the White House now.

@  repowers : (19 January 2021 - 03:18 PM)

Everything's out of control.

@  -LittleAutob... : (19 January 2021 - 09:51 AM)

*cough* w h a t?

@  Donocropolis : (19 January 2021 - 09:48 AM)

Cause your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance they ain't no friends of mine

@  TheMightyMol... : (19 January 2021 - 08:52 AM)

You could leave your friends behind.

@  PlutoniumBoss : (18 January 2021 - 09:43 PM)

You could if you really wanted to.

@  -LittleAutob... : (18 January 2021 - 01:35 PM)

Nadie puede decir algo diferente >:D

@  -LittleAutob... : (18 January 2021 - 01:35 PM)

......... all wounds heal through God. *walks off*

@  TheMightyMol... : (18 January 2021 - 01:01 PM)

Let me know when the WEAPONs wake up.

@  tigerhawk : (18 January 2021 - 05:18 AM)

Or is the wound the Earth healing.

@  unluckiness : (18 January 2021 - 03:32 AM)

Healing is just destroying the wound

@  PlutoniumBoss : (17 January 2021 - 06:08 PM)

But eventually destroys everything.

@  tigerhawk : (17 January 2021 - 05:03 PM)

Heals many wounds

@  PlutoniumBoss : (17 January 2021 - 02:03 PM)


@  wonko the sane? : (17 January 2021 - 07:53 AM)

I dunno, maybe. I'm not clairvoyant either...

@  Nevermore : (17 January 2021 - 04:30 AM)


@  wonko the sane? : (16 January 2021 - 09:50 PM)

At this point, if I'm going to die then it won't be the wait what killed me. It didn't help any, mind you, but it's not what got me.

@  PlutoniumBoss : (16 January 2021 - 09:37 PM)

Technically we are all literally dying to play with our next figure.

@  wonko the sane? : (16 January 2021 - 05:36 PM)

I am figuratively dying to play with that cheetor.

@  wonko the sane? : (16 January 2021 - 04:39 PM)

Still waiting for my box from BBTS to arrive.

@  tigerhawk : (16 January 2021 - 04:29 PM)

Kingdoms is fantabulous and it's only the first wave.

@  tigerhawk : (12 January 2021 - 12:10 PM)

My Super Collection Megatron always had two left legs and I just discovered my Thrilling 30 Crosscut has two right hips.

@  Nevermore : (11 January 2021 - 07:56 PM)

Fortunately, it's only Netflix Hound, so not really much of a loss here.

@  Nevermore : (11 January 2021 - 07:55 PM)

So it's been a while since I've had a misassembled Transformers toy.

@  Echowarrior : (11 January 2021 - 10:02 AM)

More Micromasters would be welcome.

@  TheMightyMol... : (11 January 2021 - 06:15 AM)

Instructions unclear, have more sports cars.


Hand Me a Paintbrush, I'll Set It On Fire [IDW1 Shattered Glass]

Shattered Glass Ultra Magnus Rodimus IDW1 fanfic

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#1 blueskyscribe

  • Citizen
  • 300 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Faction::Decepticon

Posted 16 June 2020 - 08:29 AM

Another IDW1 Shattered Glass fic, this time focusing on Ultra Magnus and Rodimus.  You might notice that Drift isn't present in the ensemble, and that's because he's currently Decepticonning it up as Deadlock.  Also, SG Rodimus has not yet acquired his signature goatee.



"Hand Me a Paintbrush, I'll Set It On Fire"


Rating: Gen


AO3 link | FFN link



Chapter 1


"—and so if we alter the ship's course immediately, we will reach the battlefield on Vomnio 4 within twenty hours," Ultra Magnus finished.

"Uh huh." Rodimus carved another line into the smooth surface of his desk, a peel of metal curling around his claw; his attention had been focused (or rather unfocused) on the childish distraction for the entirety of Ultra Magnus' report (forty-seven minutes, twenty-three seconds).  "Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh . . . I wasn't listening, tell me again."

"You weren't—?"

"And keep it under two minutes."

Ultra Magnus' fingers tightened on his datapad until the plastic creaked.  "Vomnio 4 provides the rare mineral Tsibium to the war effort.  It's a class S dwarf planet, originally native to five sentient organic species, four of which were—"

"Tick tock, Magnus."

"The Decepticons are attempting to retake the planet and our Prime has ordered all Autobot fleets within 2,000 light years to defend it," Magnus summarized, disgruntled.  He forwarded his full report to Rodimus, though he had no confidence the captain would read it.

"See?  See how simple that was?  Now I understand the situation."  Rodimus leaned back in his chair, the view of his dark paintjob now interrupted by the gaudy display of flames on his chest.  He stretched his arms, resting them behind his head in a jaunty pose.  "No."


"No.  Absolutely not.  We're not going to Vomnia whatever.  Why would we?"

"Because the Prime ordered it?" Ultra Magnus mentally berated himself for the rising inflection that turned a statement into a query.  He would never have uttered such an indecisive remark before joining the crew of the Stilled Spark.  But then he'd never before had a commanding officer so baffling and aggravating.  He repeated, more firmly, "Because the Prime ordered it. Every ship within 2,000 light years must—"

"Okay, I get the picture." Rodimus pressed a slim finger to his helmet, activating his comm. "Who's got the wheel?  Blaster?  Hey Blaster, this is your Captain, the dark flare in the night, ultimate badass, your flame-daddy—" (Ultra Magnus made a strangled sound.) "—the one and only Captain Rodimus, with a new order for you.  Set a course away from Vomnio 4 at full speed.  Any direction.  'Kay, thanks."

"You can't just . . ." Ultra Magnus couldn't believe what he was witnessing.  The sheer insubordination.  From the captain!  "Captain, you can't just skate past this problem.  Those are Autobots, providing a vital function for the war effort! We should assist them."

"We've got our quest, they've got theirs.  They aren't rushing to help us find the Knights of Cybertron, are they?"

"The Lord Prime ordered—"

"Listen!"  Rodimus stabbed a finger at him.  "It's every bot for himself out there.  Your big hero, Optimus, gets it and you'd better get it too.  'Cause as long as you're on my ship, I'm in charge.  We don't need you bringing up 'Optimus this', 'Optimus that' all the time.  Newsflash, the crew doesn't like it, I don't like it—"

"The crew."  Ultra Magnus seized on a new idea that might leverage Rodimus into action.  "What about the impact on the crew?"

Rodimus halted his tirade, his red optics narrowing.  "What impact?

"The crew would enjoy a chance to get off the ship and stretch their legs."  Magnus knew this was a dubious claim since they would be under heavy fire the moment they stepped off and would undoubtedly suffer heavy casualties. But Whirl might enjoy it.  "I'm sure they would appreciate a break."

Rodimus curled his upper lip. "Tch!"

It was hard to argue with such a comeback, but Magnus tried.  "They've been under considerable stress on this voyage according to the ship's psychiatrist—" He checked the text file he'd attached to the visual image of a scrawny bot holding a clipboard. "Rung? Yes, Rung. He's catalogued a five percent rise in violent intra-Autobot incidences per month."

"Yeah?" Rodimus rubbed his chin, dubious but listening. "So what's he recommend?"

"An outlet for their tension, such as artistic endeavors, more social bonding," Ultra Magnus couldn't help but scowl at that; no matter what this 'Rung' said it was not proper for Autobots to be wasting time lolligagging, bad enough there were two bars on board, "as well as exercise and fresh air.  Which they would certainly get on Vomnio 4."

"Hmm . . ." Rodimus spun his pen in his hand, frowning.

"This is serious, Captain."  Ultra Magnus frowned too, trying to impress the gravity of the situation on the capricious bot.  "Without proper activities to relieve their stress, you're going to see more and more crew members in the brig."

"The brig." Rodimus steepled his hands together, bringing them to his mouth as he considered. "Yeah.  Yeah, you've got a point.  I have noticed they're getting kind of fighty.  Whirl took a swing at me the other day for cutting in line for energon, and I was standing behind him . . . Send out a shipwide bulletin.  I'm going to give a briefing on the bridge tomorrow and I expect everyone to be there."

If Magnus had been a different kind of bot, he would have smiled at this welcome news.  "What time, Captain?"

"After I wake up, duh."

Having refrained from smiling, Magnus could also refrain from letting it drop.  This was why it never paid to get your hopes up.


Rodimus' chassis was such a deep purple that it appeared black under most lighting.  The red and gold flames painted up his hood drew all the attention anyway.  Technically the Autobot army did not have any rules about paint jobs, no set of standards that bots were required to conform to, but looking at Rodimus made Ultra Magnus think they should.

Currently Rodimus was standing on the raised platform at the front of the bridge.  Ultra Magnus and Blaster, the second- and third-in-command respectively, stood behind him.  The rest of the Autobots were crowded in front of Rodimus, already restless and unhappy because Ultra Magnus had summoned them there at 0900 and Rodimus had not shown up until 1032.

"All right, quiet down!" Blaster called, spurred on by a look from Rodimus.  He transformed into his boombox form and a thin mechanical strut lifted a microphone to the captain.

"Thank you, Blaster.  And thank you all for coming here," Rodimus addressed the crew.  "I've got some big news that you're gonna love!"

The gathered Autobots gazed up at him without enthusiasm, barely paying attention.  Ultra Magnus ran his optics over them, picking out the notables.  Swerve was chattering at an uninterested Mirage, Cyclonus (who wasn't even an Autobot and was practically a Decepticon and Magnus didn't understand why Rodimus suffered him to be on the ship) looked bored, Whirl was clicking his blades in a way that meant trouble, Ratchet had dried energon on his arms and was impatiently slapping a loose fuel pump into his palm, and the skinny little psychiatrist was barely visible behind Chromedome, who was gazing apathetically out the window.

Rodimus frowned at the lack of attention and nudged Blaster with his foot.  The TIC accommodatingly produced a resonant BWAAAAAANG that made the group jerk to attention.

"Wake up you guys, ha ha. Okay, Landmine—yes, you—take these and start passing them around."

Ultra Magnus' felt a pulse of surprise when Rodimus shoved a stack of papers into Landmine's hands.  Rodimus had planned something?  Rodimus had prepared a briefing?  Could there be hope for him yet?

Maybe this was the mission that would awaken Rodimus' capabilities—whatever they were.  Surely there must be a reason Optimus Prime allowed him, the most annoying Autobot in existence, to continue functioning.  Magnus imagined Rodimus stalking across the battlefield, stained in the energon of his enemies, inspiring and terrifying the crew by turn.  They, as much their captain, needed discipline, needed direction, needed to awaken the ferocity that their Prime expected of them.

Ultra Magnus didn't smile, but he did feel a spark-deep satisfaction as he watched the crew frowning at the handout in confusion.  They were used to wasting time picking silly fights and lazing about.  But their days of dawdling like layabouts was over, soon they would step onto the battlefield.

"So as you can see—Oh wait, you need one, Magnus." Rodimus handed him a paper. "So as you can see, we're gonna have some fun.  It's pretty self-explanatory, right?  Creativity is encouraged, I want you to go buckwild!  We're talking some serious artistic endeavors—endeavoring?—and the winner gets a Rodimus Star, as well as seeing their vision come to life!"

Creativity?  Artistic endeavors?  He's talking about a contest to kill the most Decepticons in the most gruesome way, Ultra Magnus hoped desperately, even though he normally considered such things ridiculous and unprofessional.

He dropped his optics to the paper, taking in its block-letter announcement.




Ultra Magnus closed his optics as the Stilled Spark continued rocketing away from Vomnio 4.

Edited by blueskyscribe, 16 June 2020 - 08:30 AM.

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Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Shattered Glass, Ultra Magnus, Rodimus, IDW1, fanfic

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