I'm sorry if I went too far. I was just trying to be helpful and it's a serious enough topic that I didn't want to hold back any suggestions that could be useful.
That's fine. That's more than fine. I appreciate the suggestions and help from everyone. I don't know why I didn't think about separating the barrel until ultra magnus13 suggested it. It's just for a moment there I felt kinda flooded with responses which...kinda got uncomfortable.
I've had depression most of my life. A lot of it is due to my family. My father was abusive, most men on either side of the family are trash and so I get tarred with the same brush. It's crippling when the patriarch of the family hurt everyone under his roof including you but because you're male too it's assumed you're his second coming.
Add in that I'm 'weird' (always preferred sci-fi and solitude to more typical 'blokey' things) and I have a low voice that makes it difficult/boring to listen to me speak and my confidence is at an all time low.
Tried to kill myself a few times, mainly by means of walking in front of a car. I know some here seem to think I only talk about depression and suicide as some childish means for attention but for me it's very real. Some days the only thing that keeps me going is sheer anger and stubborness over how unfair my life has been. But then there are the days where I hate my own guts and feel everyone would be happier without me. Doesn't help people have confirmed as much many times.
I don't really know how to respond to most of this. My parents and I have pretty good relationships. I mean, like I said above, there are some things I just don't think I can talk to them about. But I just don't know how to talk to someone who's been through what you've been through because, well, I've never been through it.
I think I can relate to how most people pass off what I say as joking around or attention grabbing...because to be honest, for a while there I think I worked kinda hard to make sure that's how they took it. I wasn't comfortable enough to just come out and talk about things, so I joked about it in that whole "kidding not kidding" kinda way to now if I say something, most people don't take it seriously even when I'm trying to be serious.
Not sure what to do about that except to say I'm glad you shared here where at least here, we know you're not kidding and can take it seriously.