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@  MEDdMI : (19 April 2019 - 09:21 PM)

oof, yikes. Good luck.

@  wonko the sane? : (19 April 2019 - 09:18 PM)

We're in the middle of a kitchen reno and NOTHING will be done until tuesday. I could beat a four day weekend with a hammer right now if it meant I could use my stove again.

@  Steevy Maximus : (19 April 2019 - 06:47 PM)

Can't beat 4 day weekends either.

@  Steevy Maximus : (19 April 2019 - 06:47 PM)

I prefer later shifts myself, but my 3 day weekend shift isn't bad. Nice to work without those administration busy bodies poking around.

@  Nevermore : (19 April 2019 - 04:12 AM)

Yeah, traffic is a plus as well. Rarely got any trouble getting to work on late shift (even with the neverending construction site on the highway), and when my shift is over, there's hardly any traffic at all anymore.

@  MEDdMI : (18 April 2019 - 06:27 PM)

while I don't have weekends consistently off, working 2nd shift isn't so bad. I'm more likely to do stuff before work than after (when I'm already tired). Plus no rush hour traffic

@  TM2-Megatron : (18 April 2019 - 05:03 PM)

Switching shifts constantly is never good for one's health. There was a time when I worked overnights steady for about 2 years; did wonders for my health, as well

@  Nevermore : (18 April 2019 - 04:36 PM)

Don't miss early shift (and especially switching back and forth every two weeks) a bit.

@  Nevermore : (18 April 2019 - 04:36 PM)

Man, permanent late shift really has done wonders for my overal well-being. Never having to get up early for work, staying up late, weekends off... a ot of my coworkers think I'm crazy, but late shift is really my preferred shift.

@  Nevermore : (18 April 2019 - 04:33 PM)

(My total lack of sleep on that day might have contributed, though.)

@  Nevermore : (18 April 2019 - 04:33 PM)

At noon, it was warm.

@  Nevermore : (18 April 2019 - 04:33 PM)

On Monday, we went on strike early in the morning, I was also wearing to jackets and gloves and my toes and fingers were freezing.

@  wonko the sane? : (18 April 2019 - 04:31 PM)

Nope, right now my days are doing that. Frigid at night (Well, just below zero, but still.) and warm enough to be always be ill prepared during the day.

@  Nevermore : (18 April 2019 - 04:28 PM)

Today it's so warm I had to take a shower to wash off the sweat after a lengthy bike trip.

@  Nevermore : (18 April 2019 - 04:27 PM)

This past Friday I was wearing two jackets and winter gloves outside and took a hot bath when I returned home.

@  Nevermore : (18 April 2019 - 04:27 PM)

Is "April weather" an issue in other countries as well, or is that specifically a German phenomenon?

@  PlutoniumBoss : (16 April 2019 - 11:04 AM)

Well, when you understand the history of the area it make sense. It's basically a series of countries buying the place, moving in, saying "we rule you people now", and the locals shrugging and responding, "okay, you have fun with that".

@  Sabrblade : (16 April 2019 - 07:58 AM)

When did we all turn into Henry Higgins?

@  unluckiness : (16 April 2019 - 03:16 AM)

To be fair, most Americans can't get the hang of English, so I can understand why.

@  PlutoniumBoss : (16 April 2019 - 03:15 AM)

(And yeah, Calliope is a Greek muse, not French, but the street was named BY the French when they took over.)

@  PlutoniumBoss : (16 April 2019 - 03:10 AM)

In New Orleans there's a bunch of streets with French names that are pronounced by locals with a more English emphasis, for example "Calliope Street" is pronounced "CAL-lee-ope".

@  SHIELD Agent 47 : (15 April 2019 - 11:56 PM)

I figured as much for Canadians.

@  TM2-Megatron : (15 April 2019 - 11:37 PM)

hm; whenever I've heard people talk about the school they said it the same way as the cathedral...but I guess that's in Canada, so they're probably more familiar with the cathedral than the school

@  Dracula : (15 April 2019 - 11:11 PM)

There's plenty of place names in the US like that. Around here we have an "el doh-RAY-doh," and up north there's a Cairo that's pronounced "kay-roh"

@  RichardT1977 : (15 April 2019 - 09:56 PM)

Yeah, the common pronunciation of the University is probably the reason most Americans don't pronounce the Cathedral name correctly.

@  Arazyr : (15 April 2019 - 08:03 PM)

That's my understanding of how the two are supposed to be pronounced as well.

@  Echowarrior : (15 April 2019 - 07:42 PM)

When I'm talking about the cathedral, I say "noh-treh dahme". When I talk about the university, I say "noh-ter dayme". I don't see a problem with that.

@  Paladin : (15 April 2019 - 06:26 PM)

guessing "Hunchback" just got bumped WAY down the list for Disney's live-action remakes...

@  Patch : (15 April 2019 - 05:56 PM)

We all pronounce it wrong, so no one knows enough to care.

@  TM2-Megatron : (15 April 2019 - 05:40 PM)

It'd be odd for most Americans not to know how to pronounce Notre Dame, considering they have a University with the same name that's the subject of a relatively popular film based around a sport most Americans love

@  SHIELD Agent 47 : (15 April 2019 - 04:22 PM)

Three or four more hours will be needed to contain the fire.

@  SHIELD Agent 47 : (15 April 2019 - 04:22 PM)

Update from France 24: the Paris Fire Brigade says two towers and the main structure of the cathedral have been saved from complete destruction.

@  SHIELD Agent 47 : (15 April 2019 - 03:57 PM)

One does not have to speak French to know that rhyming with "voter name" is off the mark.

@  Locoman : (15 April 2019 - 03:51 PM)

Really? It's an international tragedy and you're zeroing in on the people who maybe don't speak French?

@  SHIELD Agent 47 : (15 April 2019 - 03:44 PM)

@Tm_Silverclaw I just read on BBC News that the cause is not yet clear, but officials suspect the fire could be linked to renovation work.

@  SHIELD Agent 47 : (15 April 2019 - 03:42 PM)

Oh boy, here we go with the U.S.-American newscasters who can't pronounce "Notre Dame" correctly.

@  TheMightyMol... : (15 April 2019 - 03:38 PM)

Too soon to say.

@  Tm_Silverclaw : (15 April 2019 - 03:20 PM)

Do we know if it was an attack? Arson? Or just bad wiring?

@  Nevermore : (15 April 2019 - 02:10 PM)

Religion is dead?

@  Paladin : (15 April 2019 - 02:01 PM)

major cathedral burning down on Holy Week is some kind of metaphor.

@  Benbot : (15 April 2019 - 12:54 PM)

Hard to believe a wonder of the world could just be wiped out so easily. Hopefully they can still save it

@  Benbot : (15 April 2019 - 12:51 PM)

Well, Notre Dame is burning down

@  Benbot : (15 April 2019 - 10:05 AM)

yikes I thought the site was going to be down for a while

@  Nevermore : (14 April 2019 - 09:07 PM)

So, time for another strike. No sleep for me tonight. Oh well.

@  Nevermore : (14 April 2019 - 09:04 PM)

Think Game of Thrones "light" meets Cabaret and you get the idea.

@  Nevermore : (14 April 2019 - 09:03 PM)

Kinda sorta, just with more intrigue, conspiracy, depravity, crime and violence.

@  RichardT1977 : (14 April 2019 - 06:37 PM)

So it's like a prequel to Cabaret?

@  Nevermore : (14 April 2019 - 04:02 PM)

And man, characters are smoking literally EVERYWHERE.

@  Nevermore : (14 April 2019 - 03:27 PM)

Also, full frontal male nudity. (There's been quite a bit of female nudity since episode 1.)

@  Nevermore : (14 April 2019 - 03:26 PM)

Episode 6, and Hitler is randomly name-checked.


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Depression and Suicide

Depression suicide healing

182 replies to this topic

#41 Caldwin

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Posted 07 October 2018 - 06:14 AM

I'm sorry if I went too far. I was just trying to be helpful and it's a serious enough topic that I didn't want to hold back any suggestions that could be useful.

 
That's fine. That's more than fine. I appreciate the suggestions and help from everyone. I don't know why I didn't think about separating the barrel until ultra magnus13 suggested it. It's just for a moment there I felt kinda flooded with responses which...kinda got uncomfortable.

I've had depression most of my life. A lot of it is due to my family. My father was abusive, most men on either side of the family are trash and so I get tarred with the same brush. It's crippling when the patriarch of the family hurt everyone under his roof including you but because you're male too it's assumed you're his second coming.
 
Add in that I'm 'weird' (always preferred sci-fi and solitude to more typical 'blokey' things) and I have a low voice that makes it difficult/boring to listen to me speak and my confidence is at an all time low.
 
Tried to kill myself a few times, mainly by means of walking in front of a car. I know some here seem to think I only talk about depression and suicide as some childish means for attention but for me it's very real. Some days the only thing that keeps me going is sheer anger and stubborness over how unfair my life has been. But then there are the days where I hate my own guts and feel everyone would be happier without me. Doesn't help people have confirmed as much many times.


I don't really know how to respond to most of this. My parents and I have pretty good relationships. I mean, like I said above, there are some things I just don't think I can talk to them about. But I just don't know how to talk to someone who's been through what you've been through because, well, I've never been through it.

I think I can relate to how most people pass off what I say as joking around or attention grabbing...because to be honest, for a while there I think I worked kinda hard to make sure that's how they took it. I wasn't comfortable enough to just come out and talk about things, so I joked about it in that whole "kidding not kidding" kinda way to now if I say something, most people don't take it seriously even when I'm trying to be serious.

Not sure what to do about that except to say I'm glad you shared here where at least here, we know you're not kidding and can take it seriously.
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#42 D Immortalis

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Posted 15 October 2018 - 01:22 AM

So, with NYCC having come and gone, I am happy to say that for the first time ever, my post-con depression is practically non-existent. This is an insanely different feeling compared to years past. (and when I say non-existent, I mean just that specific type of my depressions. there are some others hanging about, sadly.)
 
See, i always generally feel like if i enjoy myself in any way, shape, or form, said enjoyment get twisted into some kind of punishment...be it massive physical pain, some kind of technology breaking, me spiraling down into a depressive episode...OR, like last year after NYCC, ALL THREE!
 
But i guess my body, being that its still healing, is doing a little better than i thought...because aside from my regular pain, i've only got some "cold burning" / aching in my left lower back, left hip side, and left hip front thats out of the ordinary. No dead tech and no darkness thats not normally whats in my head. And YES, this scares the ever-loving crap out of me...i feel like im living under the Sword of Damocles here...but id very much rather be afraid of a potential future hell, than be currently living in it.
 
I guess the one thing that invariably always bothers me after something like Comic-Con, is the deep overwhelming feeling of loneliness that usually settles in while im there, and then follows me home for a while. I blame it on being best described as, an "Extroverted Introvert". I want to have friends, or a Girlfriend, but i can only really deal with the world through the "Mask of the Extrovert", what i refer to as "Being On" (basically meaning i talk alot, make a ton of jokes, and try to get to know people, all the while hiding who i actually am...because my anxiety, my fear, and my insecurities have me completely convinced that no one, especially the kind of girl i would be interested in, could possibly ever like the real me.).
 
Its nights like tonight, where i cant shut my brain off and im just trying to ride out the manic energy phase, that i cant help be amazed at just how incredibly messed up a person i really am. I would never want to be trapped in the Euclidean prison that is sanity, but it would be really nice to visit it sometimes.

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#43 MEDdMI

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Posted 17 October 2018 - 11:27 PM

Caldwin: since we know each other in Mayhem/Discord chats and I know a bit about your situation, I'm glad to see that you're getting help. Message me anytime on here/Discord if you need to talk.

 

Depression to me has been a bit of a foreign concept. For the most part, when something bad is happening, I can try little things to make me happy, or at least take my mind off of it. It's ok to feel sad. Look at things from another perspective. Play a sad movie or song, draw something to get the feels all out. Watch a really stupid show for awhile. Talk to people online/IRL. Hug someone (or a pillow). I've definitely had periods where I felt really crappy and one thing after hits. But I know it doesn't stay that way. That being said, I've also had a couple of times where I thought things would be better/easier if I was dead, and I tried killing myself... by holding my breath (what can I say, I was very young and basically throwing a tantrum). I also nearly drowned as a kid, that panic and fear of dying is definitely not something I care to repeat.

 

This does not mean by any measure that I am sane, or well adjusted. Feeling nothing is scarier to me than feeling down. My imagination is very vivid and active-whether I want to or not, I frequently imagine horrible things happening so it won't be too shocking when it does happen, or I am relieved when it doesn't happen. Somehow, visualizing it and thinking not only about the bad things, but also how I would try to handle those bad things, makes it easier to detach from it emotionally a bit and not get over anxious. Of course, I can't prepare for every possibility, and the bad things can still hit hard when they do happen. Thanks to said imagination, I've had my share of really disturbing/bad dreams/thoughts that I'd rather not repeat.

 

What makes me anxious is how to help loved ones dealing with depression. I can typically bounce back pretty quickly, and those who know me know how to cheer me up. I'm not necessarily talking about Caldwin, but it feels pretty bad when you're trying to cheer someone else up and nothing works. What do I do when I can tell you're down but don't want to talk about it? Do you really want to be left alone, or do I keep prying? If you do talk, I might not even have any helpful advice or even understand what you're going through. At least, though, I can listen.



#44 Caldwin

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Posted 18 October 2018 - 03:44 PM

Thanks for the reply Med. I saw my name so wanted to reply. But I don't want to say much because I've been feeling a bit irritable lately ...especially about this...which can sometimes make me snap at people who don't deserve it. But thanks for keeping this going.

D Immortalis:
I'm glad you had fun at the convention. I wish I knew what else to say here. I guess I'm lucky in that I have my good times to go along with my bad times while your back is always going to be with you.

That's why I think you need to enjoy things like this convention when they come along. Instead of thinking of it like waiting for the pendulum to swing back the other way towards pain, be happy that for once it's swinging the way of having an actual good time?

I don't know...I hope that helps.
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#45 Fnu Aw

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Posted 19 October 2018 - 08:13 PM

I also nearly drowned as a kid, that panic and fear of dying is definitely not something I care to repeat.


Me too. I wonder if that helped to stop me from doing anything when I went through my long suicidal phase. I've had a few days that could have been my last and not by my choice, and it just would not have been good enough. It's a feeling I'm not currently able to picture putting myself through on purpose.


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#46 MEDdMI

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Posted 23 October 2018 - 11:43 PM

Yeah. I knew someone who also nearly drowned but they were under longer and got to the point of starting to give up/feel peaceful. I don't even want to be ok with the thought of even getting to that point. Maybe there will come a point when I have nothing/no one left to live for, but hopefully it won't happen anytime soon. I think one of the hardest things to understand for me about depression is that there isn't always a reason for it, sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you can just see people (or animals) just... shutting down and creating walls around themselves. :/



#47 The Doctor Who

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Posted 24 October 2018 - 10:15 PM

I think one of the hardest things to understand for me about depression is that there isn't always a reason for it, sometimes it just happens. Sometimes you can just see people (or animals) just... shutting down and creating walls around themselves. :/

It helps to think of it like this: Depression is the reason for being depressed.

 

Like, think about having a cold, right?  You go around sniffling and sneezing and coughing and feeling miserable and someone asks if you're ok and you say "I have a cold".  The cold is why you behave that way.

 

It's very similar with depression.  Only, because it can affect the perception of the person experiencing it, it's very hard for them to say "I have depression."  They're more likely to say "Life is shit.", because, at that moment, their depression is making them feel as though life is shit and probably always has been shit and will probably continue to be shit forever.  When/if the depression lifts, then they can possibly look back and go "Oh wow, I was depressed", but while it's happening, it's extremely difficult to recognize from the PoV of the person dealing with it.

 

But it's an important distinction because one big mistake a person suffering from depression can make is to think that there's 'no reason' for being depressed.  Because when people think of being depressed, they tend to relate it to temporary causes, trying to connect it to something that happened to them. And it's easy to forget that what causes clinical depression is not an event that happened to them that day or in the recent past, but a disorder in the brain.  Depression in the clinical disorder sense is a malfunction in the brain's chemistry which prevents sensations of happiness from being triggered as they 'normally' would.  It can come in different forms and severities and can be difficult to recognize if the person suffering doesn't have a consistent pattern of behavior.

 

But there is always a cause. Nothing happens 'for no reason'. Depression happens because of a disorder in the brain and for some people suffering from it, that's a very reassuring thing to know.


Edited by The Doctor Who, 24 October 2018 - 10:15 PM.

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#48 Tm_Silverclaw

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Posted 24 October 2018 - 11:46 PM

I have unusal mental problems.

Yes.. I am depressed a good portion of the time, most of the time I'm not actively suicidal. I simply don't -care- if I die or not.

However my biggest problems is my inability to handle any form of anger.

That and the entire hugging universe would be better off if I ceased to exist.



#49 Echowarrior

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Posted 25 October 2018 - 11:07 AM

I have unusal mental problems.

Yes.. I am depressed a good portion of the time, most of the time I'm not actively suicidal. I simply don't -care- if I die or not.

However my biggest problems is my inability to handle any form of anger.

That and the entire hugging universe would be better off if I ceased to exist.

 

...yeah, I can sympathize with that. Give me a bad day where it feels like nothing's going right and I'm being blamed for it, and surround me with people that do nothing but encourage a foul mood, and it gets even worse.

 

Maybe I'm just too sensitive to this stuff, I dunno.


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#50 PlutoniumBoss

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 11:36 AM

 

i can only really deal with the world through the "Mask of the Extrovert", what i refer to as "Being On"

 

I call it The Puppet. I've got it programmed pretty well by now, I can wind it up and let it do its thing without too much thought.


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#51 Fero McPigletron

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 02:09 PM

 
i can only really deal with the world through the "Mask of the Extrovert", what i refer to as "Being On"
 

I call it The Puppet. I've got it programmed pretty well by now, I can wind it up and let it do its thing without too much thought.
'Being on' was something I only got once I heard the term. I like to think of it as a 'showbiz time', when you're the host and it's you who has to make everyone shine. Like it's a friendlier and less fake version of Marge's mom's lesson.


Edited by Fero McPigletron, 26 October 2018 - 02:13 PM.

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   TOY DRAMA THEATER!

1 minute of (minimal) lights, (steady) camera and...  ACTION FIGURES! (mostly Transformers) - Episode 031: Combiners and chest envy 

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#52 The Doctor Who

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 02:49 PM

Yeah, there's a really distinct switch. I do it a lot at work, while I'm out delivering meds. I don't remember deciding to do it, but it definitely came out of having to cope with talking to people while also being terrified of talking to people.

Just *click* charming smile and happy voice how ya doing today Oh yeah doing great myself, have a great day! *click* drawn out sigh of all the gray skies

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#53 NOIP

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 03:48 PM

This part I can totally relate to. Not the depression, but the facade of being outgoing when all I really want to do is wear headphones and not talk to anybody at all. In my case it stems from a task I had at my previous employer that involved being on the phone 7-8 hours a day, which is my idea of a shitty helljob. I had to develop kind of a buffer with all the cliche small talk about weather and stuff that could be reeled off sort of by rote repetition. I freaking HATED doing that job.
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#54 MEDdMI

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Posted 26 October 2018 - 08:38 PM

Oh yeah, definitely. I have different masks/layers depending on the situation and people I'm with. Work, my side of the family, TMM's side of the family, friends, etc. I work on phones and have my "phone voice" which I am super cautious of my tone/manner. Much easier than face to face for me, at least I can hit the mute button and sigh.



#55 D Immortalis

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Posted 15 November 2018 - 01:57 PM

I had an abdominal ultrasound last week...Ive been having issues with nausea for years, ever since a particularly nasty kidney stone / kidney infection / bladder infection trio in my early 20s...anyway, apparently I have a "Severely Fatty Liver"...what is probably "non-alcoholic liver disease".

 

I swear on all that is holy and un-holyh I am not changing my diet one iota. The food I eat, and the stuff I drink is all I hugging have. I will not be "involuntarily celibate" from food. This will be another one of those situations where I have to life my life for everyone "who loves me" instead of for myself...I...I am just so tired of being in pain, or being sick.


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#56 Caldwin

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Posted 24 December 2018 - 09:48 PM

I hate to bump this just to bump it, especially since it was on page three, so who knows if this is even needed anymore. But this is the season when many people tend to have things worse than other times.

Me? I'm still in therapy dealing with certain issues. I don't think I'm in any danger of ending my life now. I'm feeling kinda down having spent my days off with my family and now I'm at my house again. It does make it feel kinda extra lonely.

But I'm really fine all things considered. I just wanted to make sure people remember this thing exists in case they need it.
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#57 Echowarrior

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Posted 25 December 2018 - 11:18 AM

Given how frustrating today's been, I appreciate the reminder.


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#58 HellCat

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Posted 05 January 2019 - 03:10 PM

With the Brexit situation going badly, I've been looking into suicide. Get my affairs in order, leave something that explains my thinking and then do myself in in an out of the way manner that hurts no one else.

 

Back in 2016 I had a choice- take my limited funds and find some clumsy way out of the UK or stay and fight. I chose the latter. It has been painful and costly but I kept at it. Along the way, I've frequently called out what I see as the apathy of Remain and been made out to be some kind of mole for the other side.

Except now we have 3 months left and people are agreeing too late my calls were right. Singing and dancing won't stop this. Nor will holding out for the party leader who has constantly defended Brexit to the point of going against party policy to switch sides.And so we're pretty much just waiting 3 months for the inevitable disaster. No food, medicine or human rights. Soldiers on the streets, etc.

 

I've had a hard life in general. Never particularly welcomed. The unwanted second child who was accidentally conceived. Nearly died at least 4 times because of my father.

 

I've struggled to make something of myself regardless, even when my shit life has continued to kick me. And now I face the absolute nightmare scenario. Worse, one I correctly judged at several points and advised people on but was ignored. A nightmare scenario that could have thus been avoided if anyone had any respect for me.

 

So if I have no choice left, the option seems clear.



#59 Caldwin

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Posted 05 January 2019 - 08:01 PM

I hate dealing with politics. So while I vaguely know that Brexit is the UK trying to leave the EU, I really have no concept of what that means for the common person or everything that implies.

It just feels like politics everywhere has just turned to so much poison. So I just try to stay out of it as best I can.

I know staying out of it may not be an option for you. That's not why I said all that. I'm just saying I really have absolutely no clue what you must be going through.

But I do hope you find another option. Even when I wanted to end things myself, I think I still knew that there had to be another option. It may be a harsh option or one I may not feel ready to take on. But compared to suicide...

I honestly don't know how to finish that thought. I don't want to trivialize what you're going through, especially since I fully admit to having no concept of it. And I don't want to give some flowery reason not to consider suicide when I've also admitted to having considered it before.

It's just, I've seen you around this community. I may not know you quite as well as I do others in the closer nit circle I tend to keep with around here. But I have seen you around here and consider you a valuable part of this community. And I think I've already talked about how both in high school and on another message board I used to go to, I'm no stranger to having lost someone to suicide.

I don't want it to happen here. That's why I created this thread. So if you're truly at the point where you're seeing no other choice, please, call someone. I don't know if they have the equivalent of the suicide help line that I have in my signature over where you live. But if they do, please call it. I'm not qualified to talk you down, but I do know I really don't want to lose you as a member of this community...not while there's still a chance that something can be done to prevent it.
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Before you do anything you can't undo...
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

#60 MEDdMI

MEDdMI

    Nonstop Baka

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Posted 05 January 2019 - 11:01 PM

Yes, at the very least please call someone. Don't really know what else to say.



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Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Depression, suicide, healing

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