do you think guilt tripping your loved ones into buying you concert tickets to prevent your suicide ..will make you feel good enough about your life that you wont just look for something else to kill yourself over as soon as you come down from the concert high?
I know I come off as a selfish child in these kind of situations, but ive already missed a once in a lifetime concert this year when, back on may 25th (a band called Leatherstrip, who at the age of 15 completely changed my life, played in Newark at the goth club we used to go to every weekend...before, like everything else in my life, my friends all stopped wanting to go to all the time, so I got screwed out of going...played there)...and because I didn't hve all the money for tickets...and see, that's another wrinkle in all this...IF its something I like, like a band or a movie or certain indie wrestling companies, I ALWAYS have to pay for EVERYONE, and not just admission, I gotta pay for dinner, I gotta pay for gas, etc...NO ONE ever says "hey luke, that thing you love? lets do that and for once it's on us!"
So not only have these people put me in this hell im in, they STILL don't care about anything that matters to me. THATS why I gave the ultimatum...In march they all cared so much, so that now ive been made into a true cripple...it wouldn't kill someone to FREAKIN' STEP UP!
besides, I gave them all 6 months...I said from the time I got into physical rehab that 6 months from that date is New York Comic-Con, which has now been taken from me...and I know that in 6 months time I will be no better, my pain will still be horrifying, I will still be trapped in the beaten, broken shell....dead inside...That that weekend seems poetic for me to end all of this...And all anyone has to do is show me that this messed up broken life their love has put me in WONT ALWAYS be this shitty, and that sometimes its not just words, but deeds that can be done to make me feel like I still exist.
And while yeah, its true that after I get one thing that something else will come up...but my pain isn't ending, so why should people helping me find something to look forward to so its not just a bleak empty future end?
I would suggest you call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline ASAP.
I would also suggest that if you don't have a therapist, find one ASAP.
Missing out on a band isn't worth killing yourself.
Even with what's going on with your health.
It sucks now. It can get better.
my therapist ended up being dropped by me because she never once came to see me in the hospital, or in recovery, or even for the first month I was home...so I am in search of both a psychologist and a psychiatrist...the problem is finding one who will come to me...getting out of the house is hard enough with all my doctors and physical therapy...im not adding more trips up and down the stairs and stuff...
I just got word about a group who might be able to help, I just have to contact them this week.