god this is probably gonna be the stupidest thing i write...but im hinestly having a real hard time dealing with this.
When i was around 15, i bought a used cd ffrom the local record store...it had an interesting cover and just seemed like somethng i might like. The album as the 2-disc version of LEATHERSTRIP - Double Or Nothing. It was my first real exposure to EBM. it blew my mind! it changed how i thought about music, it was dark, depresssing, fun, sad, happy...in the months and few years after that i bought every album He released in america.
Tonight, at the club we used to go to, LEATHERSTRIP is performing. With everything wrong with me, and how muh it hurts to sit in the wheelchair for long periods of time, i will not be attending said performance.
I know this is just the first of many things, like NYCC, that ill be missing from now on...i dont know even know how to process this. i'm not only physically broken, im hearbroken. i feel like every day i wake up i have to have a small funeral in my mind for eveyrthing i used to be.
I still feel like my death was stolen from me. I gave my parents 6 months when i got home. 6 months to prove to them how horrible my life is, and will be. theyre down to 5. So far? looks like im gonna win this one.