These things I can still do. So I guess the question now is...what can you do? Forget for one moment what you can't do. You can't control that. But what can you do? What can you feel? Is there anything you haven't done in the longest time that now you have the opportunity to do?
The only things I ever did that got me out of the house were movies with friends, an annual birthday drink at the local bar, and comic-con. Ive always been trapped in my house...its just now im trapped without the option of parole.
I love gaming, but I cant game from useing the walker to get around, my hands hurt so bad I cant hold a controller right now.
my other hobbies, transformers and reading comics, I can kinda do fine...im honestly a pretty boring guy.
ive pushed all my friends away...I just...I have no interest in pretending...sitting around and laughing like everythings normal, like the past 3 months haven't happened. So, like, having them come sit here with me in my dark cold room, s'not really an option.
Honestly, the only time ive enjoyed seeing a friend was when my boy, Dog, came and watched wrestlemania while I was in rehab...and with my pain and depression, and his depression, we just sat there and never once talked about our feelings...that was nice.
I wish there was more I could see outside of my current myopic world view...but its all honestly a dark tunnel of pain, anger, and frustration.