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@  Ashley : (23 October 2019 - 06:13 PM)

Yes, please read the full context

@  Steevy Maximus : (23 October 2019 - 04:53 PM)

If I wasn't reading shout for more than a couple lines, this line of discussion would be very inappropriate

@  wonko the sane? : (23 October 2019 - 09:08 AM)

Don't frustrate yourself OR her for it. Just keep the camera ready and if it happens, it happens.

@  Ashley : (23 October 2019 - 12:15 AM)

I'll probably try waving treats in front of her and whistling it, see if I can encourage it

@  Ashley : (23 October 2019 - 12:14 AM)

I'll try. She's not the most obedient bird, so it's going to take some work to get her to do it on demand.

@  wonko the sane? : (22 October 2019 - 10:03 PM)

In fact; we demand video.

@  MEDdMI : (22 October 2019 - 09:26 PM)

Now you have to get it on video

@  Ashley : (22 October 2019 - 08:11 PM)

I'm so proud

@  Ashley : (22 October 2019 - 08:11 PM)

My parrot just whistled the Transformers theme music

@  Steevy Maximus : (22 October 2019 - 06:10 PM)

Yeah, I think both are too old and too expensive at this stage. Hasbro/Paramount are going to try for younger actors that can do multiple films AND can be locked into a multifilm contract cheaply

@  Paladin : (22 October 2019 - 06:05 PM)

so he'd probably be sixty by the time they get to another GI Joe project.

@  Patch : (22 October 2019 - 06:04 PM)

According to Wikipedia he's 51.

@  Paladin : (22 October 2019 - 05:38 PM)

isn't Crews like sixty now???

@  wonko the sane? : (22 October 2019 - 02:11 PM)

... I could get behind that.

@  RichardT1977 : (22 October 2019 - 12:33 PM)

Who thinks that, in the event of a GI Joe cinematic reboot, John Cena and Terry Crews would be perfect for Duke and Roadblock, respectively?

@  Telly : (21 October 2019 - 05:17 PM)

nevermind

@  Shrug : (21 October 2019 - 04:59 PM)

I've barely used them over the years, so I'm sure they won't miss me, but I'm done too. Thankfully Pulse put up the Seacons today.

@  Telly : (21 October 2019 - 04:58 PM)

i didnt complete it, which is why this is confusing and pi$$ing me off. theres no record of it in my order history. i emailed them about it, so we will see what happens. either way, i think im done using them after this

@  Shrug : (21 October 2019 - 04:55 PM)

Either we're both unlucky or they're trying to force payment now for these takaratomy mall exclusives.

@  Shrug : (21 October 2019 - 04:55 PM)

I asked them to kindly undo that and I got a sternly worded email about how I should use their website right.

@  Shrug : (21 October 2019 - 04:55 PM)

Yeah, if you completed the order, they charged you the money now. Mine said stack before I finished checking out. I only noticed I was charged because of Paypal.

@  Telly : (21 October 2019 - 04:53 PM)

i wasnt even wanting to pay now. i was going to add them to my stack but i didnt get the chance after i was done setting up paypal

@  Shrug : (21 October 2019 - 04:53 PM)

If you haven't officially placed the order, I don't think so? Although, I had to request a cancellation with them last week because their system changed details about my order after I placed it, so I don't exactly trust them.

@  Telly : (21 October 2019 - 04:51 PM)

so im not actually being charged then?

@  Shrug : (21 October 2019 - 04:48 PM)

So, if you were one click away from purchasing, then they probably did the pre-authorization already. The next click will charge you the money now.

@  Shrug : (21 October 2019 - 04:47 PM)

TFsource charges upfront for regular pre-orders.

@  Telly : (21 October 2019 - 04:45 PM)

i was considering buying the upcoming seacons from tfsource. i had them in my cart and was on the checkout page. i set up a credit card through paypal, and before i even hit the "place order" button, i got a text saying that a charge or hold was placed on my card! is this normal? is it just checking to see if i have the money? why did it do it before i even placed the order??

@  Maximus Ambus : (21 October 2019 - 01:23 PM)

It's a torture device.

@  Benbot : (21 October 2019 - 09:42 AM)

what's this about Hot Rod?

@  SHIELD Agent 47 : (20 October 2019 - 10:36 PM)

Ex-Bundeswehr personnel, eh? Fascinating.

@  Pinkcolliebot : (20 October 2019 - 09:43 PM)

TF Roll Out Hot Rod's Presentation is coming real soon!!

@  Nevermore : (19 October 2019 - 01:05 PM)

So whenever he addresses his troops, he keeps cracking jokes. Sometimes these jokes are about the blunders he himself had made in his speech the previous day.

@  Nevermore : (19 October 2019 - 01:01 PM)

At the moment, I'm blessed with a pretty nice superior. He's got a military background, but he takes an oddly entertaining approach to it. Imagine a stand-up comedian who accidentally enlisted as a drill sergeant.

@  Nevermore : (19 October 2019 - 12:54 PM)

Another type of everyday absurdity: Imagine you're leaving your workplace for your lunchbreak. Upon your return, you discover that your workplace has been cordened and/or gated off during your break, with "construction site" warning signs everywhere. You go to your superior and tell him: "I can no longer access my workplace! Why is there suddenly a construction site?" Your superior takes a surpised look and says: "I don't know, first time I see this." You figure: "Must be a Tuesday, then."

@  Nevermore : (19 October 2019 - 12:51 PM)

It's kind of surreal, really.

@  Nevermore : (19 October 2019 - 12:50 PM)

They agree that things are less than ideal, but they acknowledge that their scope of making decisions is limited. Oddly, I keep getting that regardless of how high up the chain of command I bother people.

@  Nevermore : (19 October 2019 - 12:49 PM)

"I hear you, but you know how it is, there's nothing I can do about it." That's it, basically.

@  TheMightyMol... : (19 October 2019 - 06:40 AM)

What's it like to have management that's willing to listen to things they don't want to hear? I've never seen that.

@  Nevermore : (19 October 2019 - 04:41 AM)

I manage to argue within the company's own internal logic and point out the flaws, shortcomings and discrepancies between "official company policy" and "everyday company reality".

@  Nevermore : (19 October 2019 - 04:40 AM)

Many of my coworkers are scared to even talk to managers. I often discuss company matters with them I disagree with, and it isn't a rare occurrence that they say "yeah, you're right..."

@  Nevermore : (19 October 2019 - 04:38 AM)

I know how to watch my tone, and I prefer to keep things straightforward and factual, never to attack the person, always the problem itself.

@  Nevermore : (19 October 2019 - 04:37 AM)

The good thing for me is ever since a minor hiccup many years ago when I was still non-permanent, I've always managed to along just fine with my various superiors (I've been through over a dozen already). And that's despite my outspokenness, my blunt honesty and my oftentimes harsh criticism.

@  Sabrblade : (18 October 2019 - 11:04 PM)

With visuals presented by the Cybernet Space Cube

@  Dekafox : (18 October 2019 - 04:51 PM)

And don't forget to sign up for a cybersecurity seminar while you're there

@  Dekafox : (18 October 2019 - 04:47 PM)

Well you can always strap on some cyberlimbs and go into cyberspace for a cyberpunk experience

@  NotVeryKnightly : (18 October 2019 - 04:28 PM)

You know that "cyber" doesn't mean "cyborg", right?

@  Maximus Ambus : (18 October 2019 - 04:16 PM)

So where's the Cyborgs on CYBERtron?

@  The Doctor Who : (18 October 2019 - 03:47 PM)

Click here and we can send you notifications about your desire to discontinue notifications!

@  Benbot : (18 October 2019 - 10:40 AM)

Why does every damn website want to send me notifications? NO, no one wants your popups! Quit asking!

@  Echowarrior : (18 October 2019 - 09:19 AM)

Amazon in the US has pretty good benefits, though, and even the temp workers had forty hours a week to start with. Even with minimum wage, that's pretty good pay.


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Depression and Suicide

Depression suicide healing

222 replies to this topic

#181 Destron D-69

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Posted 15 April 2019 - 10:17 AM

well it isn't - so that's the good news. The bad news is the Universe doesn't care one way or the other, it isn't fickle and flipflopping on cosmic whims whether it sends you good vibes or bad. 

 

but that's also Good news. because it is one less REALLY BIG thing to worry about  XD



#182 PiratedTVPro

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Posted 15 April 2019 - 12:16 PM

Psychiatrist added another med onto my regimen. Now begins the fun of finding out what side effects this one is going to have!


Yep.

#183 Echowarrior

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Posted 15 April 2019 - 09:24 PM

well it isn't - so that's the good news. The bad news is the Universe doesn't care one way or the other, it isn't fickle and flipflopping on cosmic whims whether it sends you good vibes or bad. 

 

but that's also Good news. because it is one less REALLY BIG thing to worry about  XD

 

This is true. More cooperation at work would help, though. Hopefully, that situation will improve once we get our new supervisor in place.


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#184 HomelessOne

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Posted 25 April 2019 - 07:34 PM

Here's a bit of personal vulnerability from yours truly, which Hellcat can attest that I'm terrible about sharing. Trying to be better. Past few months I've been dealing with serious bouts of depression and the suicidal ideation that always accompanies them. I've recently gotten back in touch with my therapist and begun transitioning to a new antidepressant. It just didn't feel like the old one/dosage was doing it for me anymore. While I wait for the change to actually be felt I've just focused on the basic tasks of day-to-day functioning, like running errands, keeping the home clean, or cooking dinner for the family.


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#185 HellCat

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Posted 28 April 2019 - 08:19 AM

Had assessment for counselling. Cost me £40.

 

It mostly went well. The big comment was they feel I'm very self aware and are impressed with how much I've considered certain things (why I feel like I do, why I was abused, etc). The one hiccup was a bit where I mentioned I seem to set people off when I really want the exact opposite. They got the impression there I'm just very tactless and don't perceive how flippant comments upset people. I tried to explain I actually think a lot before I say anything but they didn't seem convinced.



#186 Caldwin

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Posted 22 May 2019 - 08:54 PM

I don't want to keep bumping this thread just because it falls to the second page, particularly if it isn't needed anymore. So I'm just going to ask, is this thread still needed? Has it done someone some good?

If so can I request a sticky so I'm not needlessly bumping it every so often? If not, just say and I'll let it get buried.
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#187 Benbot

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Posted 22 May 2019 - 10:38 PM

I just ran a 10K and I feel surprisingly motivated this week.  I can't say they're definitely related, but exercise really seems to help.



#188 Glenn

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Posted 23 May 2019 - 07:51 AM

I just ran a 10K and I feel surprisingly motivated this week.  I can't say they're definitely related, but exercise really seems to help.

 

It's been my go to for stress relief/ 'black cloud' days as I call them.   My Diabetes doctor and therapist have both been pleased with the results, it doesn't seem like much when I'm doing it, but it's a 'small victories add up' kind of thing.



#189 Benbot

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Posted 23 May 2019 - 10:14 AM

The problem for me is the catch-22 nature of exercise.  I need to be not depressed to exercise, and I need exercise to not be depressed.  I wish I had someone around to force me to go, but I'm kind of on my own here.



#190 Glenn

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Posted 23 May 2019 - 10:28 AM

I used to use 'spite' as a motivator.. is there anyone you could use for "I'll get healthy and in shape, that will show them.."  Not saying it was the healthiest way, but it got my butt out of the chair.



#191 D Immortalis

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Posted 25 May 2019 - 10:16 AM

god this is probably gonna be the stupidest thing i write...but im hinestly having a real hard time dealing with this.

 

When i was around 15, i bought a used cd ffrom the local record store...it had an interesting cover and just seemed like somethng i might like. The album as the 2-disc version of LEATHERSTRIP - Double Or Nothing. It was my first real exposure to EBM. it blew my mind! it changed how i thought about music, it was dark, depresssing, fun, sad, happy...in the months and few years after that i bought every album He released in america.

 

Tonight, at the club we used to go to, LEATHERSTRIP is performing. With everything wrong with me, and how muh it hurts to sit in the wheelchair for long periods of time, i will not be attending said performance.

 

I know this is just the first of many things, like NYCC, that ill be missing from now on...i dont know even know how to process this. i'm not only physically broken, im hearbroken. i feel like every day i wake up i have to have a small funeral in my mind for eveyrthing i used to be.

 

I still feel like my death was stolen from me. I gave my parents 6 months when i got home. 6 months to prove to them how horrible my life is, and will be. theyre down to 5. So far? looks like im gonna win this one.


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#192 PlutoniumBoss

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Posted 26 May 2019 - 12:44 AM

And what are the medicos saying? Is there any projection they're giving you?


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#193 Marduk

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Posted 26 May 2019 - 11:46 AM

I know this is just the first of many things, like NYCC, that ill be missing from now on...i dont know even know how to process this. i'm not only physically broken, im hearbroken. i feel like every day i wake up i have to have a small funeral in my mind for eveyrthing i used to be.

 

I think this sounds normal? Hear me out.

 

In a way, you're still grieving the life you had. You could do these things then, now you can't. You worry about not being able to do them again. It'll take time to process that, I would think. It'll take time to learn the things you can do, too. You might not be able to do X, but maybe you can do Y and so forth.

 

The point is, no. It's not a stupid thing.

 

I know things are rough. I do hope they turn around and soon.

 

~Marduk



#194 Caldwin

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Posted 26 May 2019 - 12:25 PM

It doesn't sound stupid at all. I know just growing older, my back hurts, my knees hurt. My metabolism has slowed way down and certain foods just aren't an option anymore. Whereas in my younger days I could just hike a rugged 5 miles up a mountain with little problem, now a 2 mile easy stroll through the park just wears me out. I hate that there's things I just can't do anymore.

And that's being said knowing that it doesn't begin to compare to what you're going through. So know, it doesn't sound stupid at all.

I do think Marduk is on to something though. There's something's you may not be able to do anymore. But unfortunately that's kinda life.

But there are still things I can do. I can still write and draw. I can still listen to music loud as I can get (without bothering the neighbors, but still). I play Street Fighter better than I ever have...come at me, scrub!

It's one of those things I've discovered lately. I'd been living with the depression so long, even the things I used to do for fun became things I did more to just unwind than because they were fun. I'd forgotten that these things I used to like to do are supposed to be fun. I'd forgotten what it could feel like to write a story and have the characters lives play out in unexpected ways, I'd forgotten how fun it could be to sing at the top of my lungs like no one was watching.

These things I can still do. So I guess the question now is...what can you do? Forget for one moment what you can't do. You can't control that. But what can you do? What can you feel? Is there anything you haven't done in the longest time that now you have the opportunity to do?
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#195 D Immortalis

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Posted 27 May 2019 - 12:15 AM

And what are the medicos saying? Is there any projection they're giving you?

 

I got an EMG coming up in a week or so...that's gonna be a waste of time...ive done the dead nerve / nerve damage thing before...I know that since I have zero movement or control of the foot, ankle, and calf (but the screaming nerve pain is as astonishing as it is funny because, for something that's so dead, and useless and droopy, it certainly hurts like hell, in ways ive never felt before in 20 years of dealing with this.)

 

And aside from me and my best friends deductions that the Rhabdomyolysis was caused by the Fenofibrate they had me on for my "slightly high triglycerides", as i'd been kinda sick and having kidney issues during the whole time I was on it, that's about all ive got...as no doctors have any idea what happened between my foot dying and the Rhabdo setting in that weekend.

 

So im as in the dark as ever what my futures gonna be...I just know its gonna be hell...and I dunno if ive got anymore hell in me, anymore.


Edited by D Immortalis, 27 May 2019 - 01:01 AM.

_+-=-+DAEMON IMMORTALIS+-=-+_

 

Day One is over, The Future's approaching
The embers are glowing, we're spreading the ash


#196 D Immortalis

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Posted 27 May 2019 - 12:55 AM

These things I can still do. So I guess the question now is...what can you do? Forget for one moment what you can't do. You can't control that. But what can you do? What can you feel? Is there anything you haven't done in the longest time that now you have the opportunity to do?

 

The only things I ever did that got me out of the house were movies with friends, an annual birthday drink at the local bar, and comic-con. Ive always been trapped in my house...its just now im trapped without the option of parole.

 

I love gaming, but I cant game from useing the walker to get around, my hands hurt so bad I cant hold a controller right now. 

 

my other hobbies, transformers and reading comics, I can kinda do fine...im honestly a pretty boring guy.

 

ive pushed all my friends away...I just...I have no interest in pretending...sitting around and laughing like everythings normal, like the past 3 months haven't happened. So, like, having them come sit here with me in my dark cold room, s'not really an option.

 

Honestly, the only time ive enjoyed seeing a friend was when my boy, Dog, came and watched wrestlemania while I was in rehab...and with my pain and depression, and his depression, we just sat there and never once talked about our feelings...that was nice.

 

I wish there was more I could see outside of my current myopic world view...but its all honestly a dark tunnel of pain, anger, and frustration.


_+-=-+DAEMON IMMORTALIS+-=-+_

 

Day One is over, The Future's approaching
The embers are glowing, we're spreading the ash


#197 PlutoniumBoss

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Posted 27 May 2019 - 11:39 PM

And what if they gave you a light at the end of the tunnel? If they found a solution to stop the pain, even if it was some time out, would you stick through it?


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#198 D Immortalis

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Posted 11 June 2019 - 02:46 AM

And what if they gave you a light at the end of the tunnel? If they found a solution to stop the pain, even if it was some time out, would you stick through it?

 

if there was some way to end the pain...i'd be on that like something that really wants something...hehe

 

Had some more tests done the other day and the Neurologist says that even if I did YEARS of physical therapy I would never regain the use of my foot / calf because of how far done everything is. So THAT was up-lifting news.

 

I tried to make an appointment with a new Pain Management person, but since they work for the same conglomerate as my original P.M. guy, you know...the one who took me off all my meds, cold turkey, after my suicide attempt BECAUSE of the pain (I knew that "doing the right thing" and checking myself into the hospital for help would screw me somehow, and it did.)...no other P.M. people there will see me, I have to see him...so that was another hugging waste of my time.

 

I can't win...I cant keep living like this...and im getting sick and tired of living because other people want me to. I would kill for just a few minutes where I didn't feel like my life wasn't my own. im tired of suffering...I just can't keep going on this way.

 

And i'm tired of being forced to keep on keeping on like this, it isn't fair.


_+-=-+DAEMON IMMORTALIS+-=-+_

 

Day One is over, The Future's approaching
The embers are glowing, we're spreading the ash


#199 PlutoniumBoss

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Posted 12 June 2019 - 12:54 PM

I'd straight-up ask them to remove the leg, first. Neurologist says you'll never use it again, and it's causing you agony, I'd say there is absolutely no reason not to try amputation.


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#200 HellCat

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Posted 13 June 2019 - 12:31 PM

So after a bit of a wait, had my first counsellor session yesterday.

Won't be going back. The easiest way I can sum it up is "pay someone to be your friend for an hour a week". I went on this path hoping it'd lead to someone who could help fix me and instead get asked to pay money I don't have to gripe at a stranger in sessions where they expect me to lead and offer commentary I've already long since considered.

To say nothing of the fact how, at the end, when he finally brought up setting up a payment on their flexible scheme and I said I'd likely only be able to afford £20 instead of the ideally preferred £40 he instantly soured on me.

None of it helped me. I plan to email them explaining I won't be coming back, so just bill me £40 and we'll part ways.

I've said I'm damaged goods for ages. Sucks to have official confirmation.



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