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@  Paladin : (19 November 2018 - 07:02 AM)

let's be real. at this rate we're not lasting until 2075.

@  Maximus Ambus : (19 November 2018 - 06:34 AM)

The rest of the world may build a wall around the US in 2075.

@  Nevermore : (19 November 2018 - 05:53 AM)

Tell an conservative conspiracy maniac that women are literally the Satan's spawn out to infect humanity with the gender virus that will turn everyone into communist Muslims who eat children, and they will be like, "Well of course! That makes perfect sense!"

@  Nevermore : (19 November 2018 - 05:49 AM)

It's evidence of Poe's Law.

@  Nevermore : (19 November 2018 - 05:48 AM)

The world is insane.

@  Nevermore : (19 November 2018 - 05:48 AM)

Geeez, I just read a story about a liberal satire Facebook page that would publish absolutely outlandish, ridiculous made-up conservative propaganda, stuff so absurd nobody with half a brain could take it seriously... and conservatives are taking it at face value.

@  Pennpenn : (19 November 2018 - 02:27 AM)

Oh don't make me go talk to Peter Dutton. My week has been painful enough as it is...

@  Telly : (18 November 2018 - 09:13 PM)

he cant leave quarantine until he talks to the king of the potato people

@  Pennpenn : (18 November 2018 - 01:03 AM)

Debateable. It's a sunday anyway. Wonder if I'll still feel up and ready to go tomorrow. Don't want to take too many days off leading up to the end of the year.

@  MEDdMI : (18 November 2018 - 12:01 AM)

@Pennpenn hooray! Now you can leave quarantine.

@  RichardT1977 : (17 November 2018 - 08:58 PM)

The national tour is currently in Raleigh-Durham.

@  Pennpenn : (17 November 2018 - 06:29 PM)

Ok, feeling much better now.

@  wonko the sane? : (17 November 2018 - 06:20 PM)

Is hamilton playing in hamilton?

@  Tm_Silverclaw : (17 November 2018 - 03:34 PM)

Maybe the show in the city?

@  wonko the sane? : (17 November 2018 - 01:21 PM)

To the show or the city?

@  The Doctor Who : (17 November 2018 - 11:01 AM)

Niiice!

@  RichardT1977 : (17 November 2018 - 10:48 AM)

My mom won two tickets to Hamilton!

@  wonko the sane? : (17 November 2018 - 09:46 AM)

Welp, good morning so far. My brother helped me get my sister in law's christmas gift, and reminded me I still had to get my mom's calendar for next year.

@  Pennpenn : (17 November 2018 - 08:22 AM)

Oh yeah, feeling feverish. What fun.

@  wonko the sane? : (16 November 2018 - 10:07 PM)

My father used to ask his boss that question. Then he STOPPED asking, and got used to twiddling his thumbs. Made things so much easier, and didn't actually change how his bosses thought of him.

@  Nevermore : (16 November 2018 - 07:31 PM)

So of course you wait until the end of your shift like everyone else, THEN you walk up to the manager on duty and ask him what you're supposed to do during the requested overtime.

@  Nevermore : (16 November 2018 - 07:30 PM)

Fun: The employer allows (paid) voluntary overtime, cannot backtrack on the permit, and before the regular end of your shift, you notice you're rapidly running out of work.

@  SHIELD Agent 47 : (16 November 2018 - 06:27 PM)

Fear is a state of mind.

@  TheMightyMol... : (16 November 2018 - 06:25 PM)

Did you just assume my sociopolitical status?

@  Pennpenn : (16 November 2018 - 06:13 PM)

Oh stop being such a pack of drama monarchs!

@  TheMightyMol... : (16 November 2018 - 06:11 PM)

Too late. They can smell your fear.

@  Maximus Ambus : (16 November 2018 - 04:10 PM)

Nobody say anything and you'll be safe from the mob.

@  TM2-Megatron : (16 November 2018 - 03:41 PM)

It used to be

@  Arazyr : (16 November 2018 - 02:05 PM)

I would agree.

@  SHIELD Agent 47 : (16 November 2018 - 01:15 PM)

I say yes, but I imagine many would disagree with me.

@  Paladin : (16 November 2018 - 12:34 PM)

settle a bet: is "drama queen" a gender-neutral description?

@  TM2-Megatron : (15 November 2018 - 08:38 PM)

Sounds like management is the same everywhere :p

@  TheMightyMol... : (15 November 2018 - 08:12 PM)

My bosses are too busy trying to see if they can have their heads up their own asses while still being able to kiss the asses of everyone above them. It'd be amusing to watch if I wasn't one of the ones trying to get everything done to cover for it.

@  Nevermore : (15 November 2018 - 07:05 PM)

He's living by the standard "bow to those below you; kick at those above you. You got more people below you than above you."

@  Nevermore : (15 November 2018 - 07:04 PM)

Whenever we go on strike, he's there with us. He told me that this is the only completely legal way for him to show his own bosses the finger,

@  Nevermore : (15 November 2018 - 07:03 PM)

Well, this guy has been getting flak from above, it's just that he doesn't care. He's doing what he thinks is right. He's easily the smartest of my superiors, and also the one with the biggest balls.

@  TheMightyMol... : (15 November 2018 - 05:24 PM)

Must be nice, having a boss that cares.

@  SHIELD Agent 47 : (15 November 2018 - 01:03 PM)

Indeed.

@  Echowarrior : (15 November 2018 - 11:58 AM)

That's a good superior.

@  Nevermore : (15 November 2018 - 06:21 AM)

Arguing in my favor that I was working under sub-par conditions, there were problems with sudden halts of the conveyor and other issues that affected my productivity, and besides, why was this guy giving a feedback to one of HIS subordinates, wich was his job?

@  Nevermore : (15 November 2018 - 06:19 AM)

Also, yesterday he stood up for me when a superior from the department I was sent to was giving me a productivity feedback.

@  Nevermore : (15 November 2018 - 06:19 AM)

So this week all of my superiors save one guy are absent, and I'm not noticing a difference. Which says a lot about this guy.

@  Waspinator : (15 November 2018 - 03:28 AM)

That's hateriffic.

@  MEDdMI : (14 November 2018 - 11:48 PM)

I both love and hate you all :wtf

@  PlutoniumBoss : (14 November 2018 - 08:05 PM)

And this is what it tastes like, when doves fry.

@  Paladin : (14 November 2018 - 07:23 PM)

on the other hand pheasant is phairly philling.

@  PlutoniumBoss : (14 November 2018 - 04:06 PM)

Well the fare is fowl if the fowl is fair.

@  RichardT1977 : (14 November 2018 - 03:10 PM)

1/4 of duck is 1/4 of the turd in turducken

@  Paladin : (14 November 2018 - 12:18 PM)

not really. duck meat is fowl.

@  wonko the sane? : (14 November 2018 - 12:01 PM)

Couldn't we just cook the duck? I mean, it would be tastier...


Photo
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I don't know what to do


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232 replies to this topic

#1 Rhinox

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Posted 08 July 2018 - 10:24 AM

On friday night my wife told me we needed to talk after several preorders unexpectedly hit and drained our account.  she told me she wanted me to move out.  that she was done and couldn't live like this anymore.  

i asked her for the weekend, her birthday.  i asked her for couple's therapy.  she said she'd talk to her therapist on friday when she saw her.  

 

i don't know what to do.  i've been with my wife for 10 years.  we have 3 kids.  i can't live without her.  

i have had near continual panic attacks since we talked.  sweating, can't breath, chest pains.  i can't function anymore.  

 

i've tried to play it cool all weekend.  relaxed, for the kids.  i can't sleep.  eating hurts.  the second they're away from me it feels like i'm dying.  

 

what do i do?  I can't live without Kat or my kids.  I don't want to lose my family.  I cancelled every order I had.  I'm sending stuff back, trying to sell stuff.  she says it's not just money.  that she's been sick and tired for a while now.  i know she's had a bad week at work, but i didn't know she was this angry.  

what can i do?  it hurts so bad.  what do i do? 


"Why does history repeat itself? Because God doesn't have TiVo."

Wounds of honor are always self inflicted.


#2 Patch

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Posted 08 July 2018 - 10:36 AM

The panic sounds warranted, given the situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with that, though.

 

The one thing that I would think is the most important thing to do, is to have her fully elucidate what's going on to bring your relationship to this point. Understanding the problem, understanding her point of view, is critical.

 

I do hope you're able to find a positive resolution.



#3 Rust

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Posted 08 July 2018 - 10:40 AM

Dude...I've got nothing to offer but prayer and sympathy. I really hope you guys can work this out.


Edited by Rust, 08 July 2018 - 10:41 AM.

Numbers 24:17

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. Plato


#4 Powered Convoy

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Posted 08 July 2018 - 10:53 AM

I think understanding what may have spurred this level of reaction is key. You've obviously been purchasing things for a long time. Why is it an issue now, or is there some other underlying reason for her to want you to leave.

Either way, best of luck. I hope things work out for you in the end.


#5 NOIP

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Posted 08 July 2018 - 11:32 AM

That's the thing-it sounds like this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

You have to figure out what the real issues are-everything else is a distraction.
While you live, shine/ Have no grief at all/ Life exists only for a short while/ And time demands an end. Seikilos Epitaph

#6 The Doctor Who

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Posted 08 July 2018 - 11:40 AM

It seems like the time for reexamining your lives and figuring out what's standing between you.

 

Like, you said you ordered a bunch of stuff that cleared out the bank account and, you know, while it may not be your fault that they hit early, it might be worth examining how that kind of thing affects the relationship you two have.

 

I hope it works out well for you guys, it sounds like you have a lot invested in this relationship and hopefully you can both find the strength needed to overcome the issues.


Edited by The Doctor Who, 08 July 2018 - 11:42 AM.

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#7 Rhinox

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Posted 08 July 2018 - 04:09 PM

i just don't know what to do.  she said she'd talk to her councilor on friday about couples therapy but that's days away.  

i cancelled every order and preorder i had.  going to sell off what i can from my collection, just stop collecting alltogether.  

 

i don't want this to be too little too late.  i don't want to live without her.  


"Why does history repeat itself? Because God doesn't have TiVo."

Wounds of honor are always self inflicted.


#8 Mako Crab

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 02:09 AM

All I can do is echo what others are saying. You need to get to the root of why shes had enough. I hope she takes you up on your offer of couples therapy, & that youre able to work it out. Prayers, man.

#9 Zodberg

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 03:29 AM

Communicate with her, not toy collector message boards.
Remember what the catalyst for your initial connection was. Bring back the magic. She might be in a bad rut and is pushing you away to escape it.

Also start being really incredibly good looking. Like step up your hygene and get a new aftershave or whatever. Woo her single-dude style.
But at the same time don't relapse into a Man-Teen, be mature. Hella mature James Bond who is charming and nobody would expect to be a toy collector.

Don't be a Tommy Wiseau about it.

Edited by Zodberg, 09 July 2018 - 03:34 AM.

Woooo!

#10 Rhinox

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 10:24 AM

I've spoken with her.  She says that she doesn't know what to say to me.  She just wants me gone for a while.  

i've moved out of my house.  i'm sleeping at my parents.  i hope to contact people today about couples therapy but it might take some time.  

 

i thought i had a good marriage.  I thought things were good and strong.  i didn't know we were this close to whatever this is now.  had no idea this was coming.  


"Why does history repeat itself? Because God doesn't have TiVo."

Wounds of honor are always self inflicted.


#11 Mako Crab

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 10:55 AM

Ah damn, dude, Im sorry. Maybe itll give her some time to cool down until shes ready to really talk to you.

Edited by Mako Crab, 09 July 2018 - 10:55 AM.


#12 Powered Convoy

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 12:25 PM

That sucks.  I hope the time away gives you both some perspective.




#13 electricidad

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 02:31 PM

I'm pulling for you, brother. Your wife will either come around, or she won't. I can't imagine it was --just-- the collecting. Maybe she has some things going on in her life. Suggesting couples therapy is a good idea.

 

Sounds like the best thing you can do is keep being the best dad you can to your kids. That's the relationship you can affect positively now.



#14 Spark

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 04:43 PM

On friday night my wife told me we needed to talk after several preorders unexpectedly hit and drained our account.

How many times has this happened in the past?


Fall of Cybertron will blow your mind. That is all.

#15 Wheelimus

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 05:49 PM

As a member of the prestigious Allspark Divorcee Club I'll just confirm that it's not unusual to have your buying habits suddenly called out as a relationship ending transgression when in actuality there was totally other shit going on. So I'd concentrate on finding out what all of the underlying issues are, of which your Transformers buying may be a small part. But I'd strongly advise against any extreme reactions such as selling all of your toys or stuff like that.

 

Beyond that all I can do is wish you the best of luck but remind you that even if your marriage ends that doesn't mean you have to lose your kids or your family. Stand up strong. Buying too many toys can certainly be Irreconcilable Differences. ANYTHING can be that if one partner wants out badly enough. But it's nothing to lose your kids or family over. Stand up straight and let her know loudly that you may have temporarily moved out for the good of the kids in a difficult time but if she actually pursues divorce you'll be fighting for your parental rights possibly including primary custody.

 

Hang in there, PM me here or on Discord if you need to talk one on one.



#16 Soft Snow

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 09:41 PM

If you divorce try to get the kids and have her pay child support. Then you can brain wash the kids into thinking your the good parent.


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#17 videomaster21XX

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 10:16 PM

Soft Snow I don't think that's very helpful or needed right now...


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#18 D Buster Prime

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Posted 09 July 2018 - 10:57 PM

Don't have to answer here, but a question for thought:

Outside of this one snafu due to the early pre-order hit, how are your family finances? Do you have a good agreed upon plan for regular saving and investing, including preparing for environment.

A lot of divorces have financial issues as a major factor. It may not be specifically about toys, as much as a visible symptom of larger financial concerns.

Ideally, toys will never wipe out a bank account that already has enough money set aside for emergency expenses, like unexpected auto repairs, hospital bills, etc.

If you don't have an agreement on a comprehensive financial plan, maybe now is the time to work out something that you can both be at peace with.

If what I am asking is totally off-base and irrelevant, I apologize, and feel free to ignore.

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#19 Rhinox

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Posted 10 July 2018 - 09:58 AM

i'm sure money is one of the problems.  it's why i've decided to be done collecting. Toys have been fun, but they're nothing compared to my wife and my kids and i don't want to lose them over plastic bullshit.

 

right now i'm sleeping at my parents.  I come back to the house during the day and clean it up, make sure everything's nice for when they all come home.  it's basically what I should have been doing all along except i'm now a maid service.  i'm hopeful that between that and selling my collection that i can show her i've accepted my mistakes and am working to make amends.  


"Why does history repeat itself? Because God doesn't have TiVo."

Wounds of honor are always self inflicted.


#20 Dake

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Posted 10 July 2018 - 12:09 PM

As others have mentioned, there are likely multiple things at play here, and the toy collecting has become the symbol of everything that's wrong with the relationship.

 

That being said, addiction takes many forms, and you may need to ask yourself whether your collecting habits meet the general definition - or at least the spirit of it. Take a look at the DSM definition of addiction aka substance dependence. Just because it's not booze, drugs, or food, doesn't mean you aren't exhibiting these symptoms where collecting is concerned.

 

Addiction (termed substance dependence by the American Psychiatric Association) is
defined as a maladaptive pattern of substance use leading to clinically significant impairment
or distress, as manifested by three (or more) of the following, occurring any time in the same
12-month period:
 
1. Tolerance, as defined by either of the following:
(a) A need for markedly increased amounts of the substance to achieve intoxication or
the desired effect
or
(b) Markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of the substance.
 
2. Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following:
(a) The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for the substance
or
(b) The same (or closely related) substance is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal
symptoms.
 
3. The substance is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than intended.
 
4. There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use.
 
5. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain the substance (such as
visiting multiple doctors or driving long distances), use the substance (for example,
chain-smoking), or recover from its effects.
 
6. Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because
of substance use.
 
7. The substance use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent physical or
psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the
substance (for example, current cocaine use despite recognition of cocaine-induced
depression or continued drinking despite recognition that an ulcer was made worse by
alcohol consumption).

 

 

Honestly, I'd suggest many of us may exhibit some of these symptoms (I recognize that I do). There are organizations out there such as Celebrate Recovery that address all forms of addiction (not just the big two), and they can give you the tools to address it if you feel it would help.

 

I'm an alcoholic, and one of the things you learn is that dramatic changes are par for the course. I would quit drinking for stretches to prove I "could". I'd pour out the whiskey (I kept stashed), to prove I didn't "need" it. Eventually though, I'd buy more. In your case, canceling pre-orders and selling stuff off is a grand gesture, but the tendency is to believe that is enough. Once you've done this, things will be "fixed", and you'll gradually slip back in to old habits. So, much like your wife needs to share the bigger picture from her point of view, you'll also need to spend some time looking at your collecting habits, why you do it, and why you are willing to risk the family budget in pursuit of it, even "accidentally".

 

Finally, no addict can be successful attempting to get clean for someone else. You have to decide it's important for YOU to make the change, whether or not your wife sticks around. Hopefully though, demonstrating this willingness for introspection and taking concrete steps towards change beyond the grand gesture might help her to come alongside you.


Edited by Dake, 10 July 2018 - 12:12 PM.

 
 
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