The Mad Ramblings of a Renegade Timelord

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The Doctor Who

Now With Sheffield Steel!
Citizen
Here you go. It's a little out of date, since I've started working with a separate copy for writing. Something about sharing seems to interfere with editing on mobile.

Oddly it still works fine on PC, so I'll update it weekly with more.
 
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The Doctor Who

Now With Sheffield Steel!
Citizen
237 pages now. Moving along a bit slower now that I'm closing in on an ending.

Names in fictional languages are a fussy thing. Sure you can use a descriptive word as a name, but that's not really how names work in the real world, at least, not in a modernistic setting. If ya got a ye olden days Lord of the Rings setting then you could just slap a word down and call it someone's name, but if you're looking at a society that has probably had thousands of years to grow and change, then names probably aren't going to be just 1-to-1 words. Most of the time.

Like, there are people with the last name 'Baker' after all, which genuinely harkens back to the process of baking. But then you also have 'Baxter' which shares the same Anglo-Saxon/Scottish root, means the same thing but started out as the feminine 'bakster', eventually wearing down to 'baxter' and becoming applicable to men and women and sometimes used as a given name.

If you named someone Baxter Baker, you would be committing a tautology.
 

MEDdMI

Nonstop Baaka
Citizen
Ok, so apparently I saved the notes I made for Chapter 1 and forgot. XD
Ch 1:
And so it was to this last {location} that he found himself walking.

Smaller tables for one to two persons were lined around the outside of the seating, while larger booths and tables were clustered toward the middle. {Bit confusing, maybe rephrase as "larger booths and tables were clustered toward the middle with smaller tables for one to two persons were lined around them."}

A few outer tables were occupied and one larger party and {had} pulled together a pair of larger tables
 

The Doctor Who

Now With Sheffield Steel!
Citizen
242 pages. I feel like I've slowed down somewhat, though I've still added a plurality of new pages, so I can't feel too bad. If I "only" added five pages this week, I think I'm still doing good. I'm struggling a little with how to introduce larger plot points into the story. Like, while I've definitely focused on just getting the words written down, I don't want the rough draft to be an incoherent mess. It doesn't help that a lot of this revolves around a character I didn't plan on introducing at this point, but it just seemed to make sense for me to do so.

I suppose I should also take into consideration that I've been working a lot of overtime over the last two weeks. So, like, I shouldn't be to surprised if my output slowed down.
 

MEDdMI

Nonstop Baaka
Citizen
Done w/ ch 2. Still mostly minutia.
General notes: the awkwardness b/t Harry and Edmund is cute. The different ways everyone speaks makes it easier to tell them apart w/out having to name them when they're talking. Also a hint of bad things on the way... Also, I'm assuming we get to know Edmund more along w/ Harry later on.

"I haven’t been to Agustine’s in ages.”
Saint Augustine’s...
{Name typo on one of these}

that lay a few minutes drive from {the} city center.

The initial intimidation he experienced had faded and {in} its place settled

The young man was amazed at how quickly his friend picked up on English pronunciation and was often embarrassed at his {own} relative slowness to learn the new language{.} And {T}his came to a head one evening, a month and a half after their first meeting.

Callahan’s was a large, open{,} saloon{-}style affair

the tall man stood there with caring concern written plainly on his face and even somehow found the heart to give a compliment. Tears began to prick at his eyes.
{I'm assuming you mean Harry's eyes, but it reads as if Edmund is tearing up.}

The young man shook his head and wiped his watery eyes with a caugh {cough}

To live on another planet and learn the history of a completely different culture and people first hand was everything {s}he could have hoped for.

“I guess it did not work out?” Edmond asked{.}

I had friends and a school record and had an in -an opening- at the Harrold Star News office once if I could finish my degree.

Today had given him much to think about. A tone rang out from his pocket...
{The second sentence should be a new paragraph, to better indicate that some time has passed.}

Overflow fell on many of the junior staff, including Harry{,} to handle duties usually managed by higher paid employees and he found himself excessively stressed and overworked

The interior space was decorated with “popular” memorabilia from across the galaxy, for which most of the lighting had been used to highlight and music of some inderserably raucous style
{Bolded word is a typo. Indescribably or undesirable, I'm guessing}

Edmond was looking over one of a pair of menus and the expression on his face told the young man that he was as much out of his depth here as he {Harry} had been in The Ground Level.

Though that, {he} had to admit, may just as easily be due to not having to spend the money.
 

The Doctor Who

Now With Sheffield Steel!
Citizen
Good advice in there! I should probably create a document to keep track of it in once place. I don't plan on changing anything just yet, not until I have a full narrative in place. Then I'll look over the suggestions while I'm doing the Big Rewrite.

General notes: the awkwardness b/t Harry and Edmund is cute. The different ways everyone speaks makes it easier to tell them apart w/out having to name them when they're talking. Also a hint of bad things on the way... Also, I'm assuming we get to know Edmund more along w/ Harry later on.
Yeah, we do. *goes back to check where Chapter 2 leaves things* Oh. Oooooh. Heh. Yeah, we're going to learn more about both of them in the next couple chapters. I've been trying not to just fact-dump at any point, just let information come up as naturally as possible, but the next two chapters clear some of the air.

I'm glad that my characterizations hold up well enough that you can tell people apart. Trying to get non-native speakers of fictional languages to speak in dialect is... uniquely difficult. Jadut and Edmond have to sound like they grew up speaking entirely different languages and struggle with English for entirely different reasons XD

Sadly I've only managed to add a couple pages in the last week. I've been stuck on a particular plot point that I didn't really expect to come up and it's left me struggling a little. It's also been a very busy week, so I haven't had as much time as I would have liked to write. Still, progress is being made. I think I'm going to just push past it and then go on. I have an idea for how to handle it, but not anything exact. Probably have to revisit it in the Rewrite and hopefully my brain will have worked it out by then.

No matter what, I'm not going to give up on this, even if it takes longer than expected. I want this one book written, if nothing else.
 
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MEDdMI

Nonstop Baaka
Citizen
Unexpected plot points are fun. Yeah, even if you're not sure how to resolve it, you can always come back to it later. If you know what you want to happen next at least in general, keep going. You can always post summaries and flesh it out later.
 

The Doctor Who

Now With Sheffield Steel!
Citizen
I think I've managed to force my way through it. It's... Not great to read, but at least the essentials are there.

Basically, I'm at the point of introducing the first overt elements big, overarching plot line and making sure it makes sense without boring plot dumps and unnatural exposition.
 

The Doctor Who

Now With Sheffield Steel!
Citizen
Managed to force my way past the difficult part. It needs major reworking, but I'm getting back onto more solid ground. Still not going as fast as I was before, but I'm still dealing with the more complicated parts of the story, so I'm not surprised.
 
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