"Prime Told Me There Would Be Days Like This!"

Notomus

Unofficial Pope of Devconism
Citizen
Have you ever or are currently working in the service industry? Tales from Fast Food, Retail, Hospitality and everything in between are welcome here! Feel free to post anything whacky, crazy, stupid, weird, annoying, awkward and down right hilarious to this thread!

Bit of a background, I've worked in the service industry for the last seven years (my entire working life) and I've seen some crazy shit, recently I've started to share some of these stories on the Allspark Discord Server under the pretense "Prime told me there would be days like this!" as an ironic way to say "I did not expect this to happen today" relating to my job. Feel free to share whatever antics occur at your workplace so that we can all have a collective laugh or groan in agony!
 

CoffeeHorse

*sip*
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
"Our business has never paid taxes and the IRS found out. Could you make that go away?"
 

CoffeeHorse

*sip*
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
Pretty much. They'd never started their books despite being in business for a few years, and I think they were under the impression that I could write them in such a way that would make their tax bill go away.
 

Notomus

Unofficial Pope of Devconism
Citizen
"Our business has never paid taxes and the IRS found out. Could you make that go away?"
Oh lord...
Pretty much. They'd never started their books despite being in business for a few years, and I think they were under the impression that I could write them in such a way that would make their tax bill go away.
Small Business Owners of the Allspark, do your books or hire someone to do them for you!
 

Notomus

Unofficial Pope of Devconism
Citizen
I'll add one of my first stories, one of many from Target.

Picture this, the night before Thanksgiving, 2017ish, my work area during my time with the company was Pfresh (Produce)/ Dairy/ Frozen, it was fricking packed. I was all alone as a closer constantly having to fill milk, cream, turkey and whatever other thanksgiving foods people were panicking to get after putting it off for weeks on end. I had a pile of empty turkey cases stacked to the ceiling, about 30 of them in total. Far too many for my cardboard cage, which was full from all the other things I was stocking, leaving me to have to fill a flatbed (if you've seen Target workers stocking aisles before, you'll likely know what these are). I managed to get one with little issue, then as I round the final corner to my stock room, this little shit jumps on it.

The store is busy as hell, I am alone in my department as the closer and this dickhead kid jumps on my saving grace! I'll be honest, I wasn't even phased at that point, I just wanted it to be done so I could get back to panicking. The kid had to be 14/15 years old, he was with a friend and some girl they were probably trying to "impress", he then asks me to drive them around the store and waves a $5, I laughed it off and said "my job isn't worth $5". Reminder, at the time I was making like $12, $13 an hour, very good money for a part time high school job in my area. I was resting my left hand on my walkie, and my right on my box cutter, as I normally do, when the friend noticed my hand gripping my walkie, he then shouts out that "He's gonna call security!" I was trying to think of a way out of this so I just went along with it. I grabbed my walkie and blabbed some BS into it (our security was off for the night) and they bought it!

These kids Usain Bolted, I swear to God olympic grade sprinters couldn't out run these guys! The friend who gave me my diabolical idea then started to spout out this kids personal information, I'm not kidding, he was rambling off this guys home address, phone number, car make and model and license plate! The girl they were with slowly walked off in the other direction, trying to ignore their existence. At the time I was rather annoyed, I was tired, overburdened, alone and I had a pallet of turkeys that needed to be stocked, but I love telling this story anyway because I always get a laugh out of it.

I've got tons from Target, I don't know what my next post will be, I'll leave it up to the allspark. Stolen Condoms or Arrested in the parking lot?
 
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Tm_Silverclaw

Active member
Citizen
I was threatened by a lawyer that he would attach a chainsaw to his crotch and hunt me and the company I worked for and cut us all up. Does that count?
 

Confuzor

Koopaling Aficionado
Citizen
Working at Toys R Us. Circa 1999ish

Lady: Do you have Toy Story 2 in stock?

Me: No that just came out in theatres, we do have Toy Story 1.

Lady: No I heard on the radio that it was out on DVD

Me: Yes, to advertise the theatrical release of Toy Story 2, part one was released on DVD [a new tech at the time]

Lady: No its supposed to be out to buy

Me: Thats not how movie releases work, its released in theaters first, then its out on home video some months later.

Lady: No its supposed to be out

*ten minutes of cyclical, pointless arguing later*

Me: Here's our video section, youre free to look and see if you find it. Please let me know if you do, I would also like to buy a copy! *walks away*
 

Caldwin

Woobie Destroyer of Worlds
Citizen
Company I work for has an automation system that...okay, it has its flaws. But what system doesn't. It still did what it did well and was built in-house. We didn't have to pay anyone for it. We owned it.

So, other company buys us out and brings a system so broken that absolutely no one has anything positive to say about it...and they pay someone else to use it.

*cries*

Purposefully trying to be vague. They may be watching.
 

Caldwin

Woobie Destroyer of Worlds
Citizen
Okay, high school job, because I can talk about them all I want. I was working at one of those go-cart/arcade places as a janitor (they called it maintenance but it was janitor). I was in the restroom when I heard these kids stuffing paper towels into a urinal to make it overflow. I was in a stall, couldn't exactly stop mid-stream situation. I still caught them in the act. I gave them the riot-act "you think it's funny? How would you like to be the ones to clean it up? Get out of here."

As I was dragging the mop and bucket into the restroom, I caught sight of them and gave them a withering glare for added punch.
 

Kaon

Guest
I once had a lady at starbucks shoot me the bird thinking that I couldn't see her... she did the bird right at the camera.

When she pulled up I told her to get out of the drive thru and leave before I called the police.

She came back in the next day to apologize.

Bitch.
 


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