Mental Health and Suicide

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Caldwin

Making a comback in Scarlet/Violet
Citizen
Enjoy them while you may. I guess one good thing about having gone through this is that I learned to really try to keep up those connections. There's fewer days in front than behind.
 

CoffeeHorse

*sip*
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
The good news is I am on the verge of an exciting breakthrough. I am going to be the first person who finally figures out how to force choke people. I can feel it in my hands. It's coming.

They didn't do chemo again this week. See it's because this wasn't originally scheduled to be a chemo day. It was just a checkup. You'd think they would have changed the schedule because they were supposed to do chemo last week and had to bump it a week, but I guess they forgot or something got lost in the shuffle somewhere.
 

CoffeeHorse

*sip*
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
Today was rough. He complained of feeling painfully cold. It's not unexpected. It's a side effect of this chemo blend, and it's probably a bit of a shock to his system after skipping a couple weeks.

But it is rough.
 

CoffeeHorse

*sip*
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
Today was the last dose of the current chemo plan. His platelets were down again. It was iffy whether they could do chemo or not, but given how well he's handled it so far they figured they could err on the side of aggression.

The next step is new imaging to see if this made a difference or not. Fingers crossed.
 

CoffeeHorse

*sip*
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
The hospital is completely out of the fluid they make patients drink to do imaging. It's all made in China for some hugging reason and now there's a shortage.

This is going to be a long day.
 

Caldwin

Making a comback in Scarlet/Violet
Citizen
Not to get into politics, but I will never understand why we let ourselves get so dependent on any one single country for stuff. Keep us updated.
 

Corvus

Member
Citizen
So, I'm not suicidal right now, although I have my moments of passive ideation.

I'm tired. I'm isolated. I'm lonely. I've felt that way for the better part of 12 years. I'm so starved for touch and affection that I've grown bitter.

Got my heart badly broken in March, as badly as I ever have if not worse, and I'm still grieving. Also, I'm ending my marriage of almost 28 years, because I'm tired of the emotional and physical neglect. I'm leaving Philadelphia and moving 8 hours to the west to start rebuilding my life at almost 52 years of age. I've been packing, sorting, and selling for a month now.

Today what I miss is the numbness I felt for large stretches last year. I want to feel nothing.
 
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Caldwin

Making a comback in Scarlet/Violet
Citizen
I hate to say this. When I created this thread on the old boards before the crash, I made it because I was in the process of going through some shit and I was hoping that maybe as a community, we could help each other through these moments.

The thing is, I've been in counseling and I've been on Fluoxetine (Prozac) for a while now. Long story short, I'm feeling pretty good now. I haven't felt suicidal for a long while now. In fact, I've been pretty happy since I've been on Prozac.

Yay me! The problem is, it's been a while since I've really felt connected to this situation. It's good for me personally, but I find it harder to relate because I feel so distant from the situation.

I remember in my head there was a time I felt suicidal. I remember a time I felt isolated. I remember a time when I just wanted to be anyone else but me and just feel nothing.

But I've been in counseling and on Prozac for a while now and I just feel so distant from that situation. Where I used to be able to empathize and meet someone where they were because that's where I was too, I feel like now I have little more to offer than the platitudes I know I used to hate when I was in that situation.

Corvus: I'm trying not to use the same empty platitudes I know I would have hated in your situation. I just hope that, as I was able to find my way, I hope you find yours.
 

Corvus

Member
Citizen
It's okay, and I appreciate you responding at all. And you are right about platitudes, because I hate them too.

Things will likely improve once I've relocated, settled in, and actually have a therapist again. I did manage to have my CNP increase the dose of my antidepressant (which I've taken at the higher dose several times before), so that should help a little as well.

The heartbreak? That's going to take time. And the only thing that'll fix touch starvation is, well, touch.
 

MEDdMI

Nonstop Baaka
Citizen
I keep up with this thread but often don't know what to say or how to help.

I'm doing ok but could be better. Still thinking around getting a therapist but haven't looked very hard.
 

Echowarrior

Active member
Citizen
I desperately need one, if only to have someone to talk to about my problems that isn't someone on the internet or a member of the family.

Seriously, today was not a good day for me. Got yelled at (or at least was in the general vicinity of a yelling at) twice today, one of those incidents involved getting threatened, had to fix problems and mistakes made by coworkers, and generally felt like I had a noose around my neck and was a hair's breadth away from having the floor go out from under me.

I don't want to get fired, but I get the bad feeling that if they think getting rid of me is the easy solution, they'll do it in a heartbeat.
 

Shigoto

New member
Citizen
Hey corvus, I also live right by Philly, and have recently been through a pretty messed up divorce. I also went suicidal before I walked away. Thats part of the reason I have been radio silent in the forums for the last few years, I actually lost my interest in most of my life. That being said, I divorce has been finalized for about 18 months, and I haven't been with her in close to 3 years or so.

Hang in, if you need to talk shoot me a PM, I'm always able to chat and more then willing to meet you somewhere for coffee/beer/whatever for a chat if you need it. Im not a mental health professional, but I can be a great friend.
 
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