Depression and Suicide

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Caldwin

Lifer
Citizen
It feels weird making this thread again. I've been on fluoxetine for a while now and I'm feeling pretty darn good, to the point where I actually feel pretty removed from the situation personally.

But I'm hoping the thread did some good before the crash, and I'm hoping it can still do some good now.

If you weren't around for the original thread, this is a no judgment safe space. A lot of things were shared in the old thread, and I truly hope some people were helped.

So please, if there's something weighing heavy on you and you need to get it out, please don't hesitate.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline
1-800-273-8255
 

Kaon

discord.gg/Allspark
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
I think having a temper is a result of the depression that I have. I just get so unbelievably mad for no reason other than to be mad and I hate it. I can't figure out if the depression medicine I am on is making me this way or not because I have been on it for so long.
 

Darth_Prime

Member
Citizen
Ball vs egg.
What does a ball do when it drops, it bounces right? And that’s what we all want to do when we hit bottom, bounce back. Be the bouncy ball.
But what does the egg do? It cracks. It splatters. It makes a mess. We don’t want to be the egg.
But, is it ok sometimes to be the egg? Maybe it’s ok to crack. Maybe it’s ok to let the pieces fall apart. What we need to learn to do, without being afraid to ask for help even if we don’t think we need it, is put those pieces back together and bounce back.

I’ve lost several friends to suicide, one recently as 3 weeks ago. It sucks. It always leaves us wondering what more we could have done even if we did all we could do short of putting them in a car and taking them to a doctor. I’m an E6 in the Air Force. I’ve had to recommend several of my fellow Airmen to mental health. Ain’t no shame in admitting you need help. In fact, it’s the stronger person who realizes they need the help and asks for it. You only get 1 mind. Gotta take care of your mental health.

I know I’ve never met any of you on here in person, I highly doubt anybody even knows my name other than 1 or 2 of you. But if anybody ever needs help, PM me.
 

MadameVixen

Cat outta Hell
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
Logical. Just like learning that the happiest people who try their best to make others smile could be facing their own inner demons and genuinely wish to keep you from feeling the same level of pain.
 

CoffeeHorse

*sip*
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
Things aren't good.

On Friday my dad was admitted to a hospital on suspicion of pancreatic cancer. Today I got the news that the doctors now think it's stage 4.

I've reached the stage of my life where I have to think about burying a parent. I'm not ready.
 

Guardian Prime

Veteran Allsparker
Citizen
😢

I feel ya, Fnu. Lost my dad a few years ago. It's not easy when it happens and never is, even when you're expecting it.

We're here for you, Fnu.
 
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Caldwin

Lifer
Citizen
I'm sorry to hear about your father.

I haven't lost my parents. Lord willing, I won't for a got time yet. But even at that, I know there are fewer years ahead than behind it that knowledge alone really sucks.

But I know that's not exactly the same. Prayers are with you.
 

CoffeeHorse

*sip*
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
It's just so unfair. His own father died just a couple years ago, and his mother is still alive and very healthy. She will outlive us all.

He shouldn't have less time than they got.
 

PiratesTVPro

New member
Citizen
Fnu, I've got a father-in-law going through his second 18-hour surgery and third round of chemo. It's hard dealing with trauma when you already have depression. You don't know whether you're falling deeper or if it's just a normal feeling when your mental health balance is already precariously perched.
 

wonko the sane?

You may test that assumption at your convinience.
Citizen
It's just so unfair. His own father died just a couple years ago, and his mother is still alive and very healthy. She will outlive us all.

He shouldn't have less time than they got.
We don't get a say in how long we're here. We only get a say in how we are remembered.

Don't spend this time lamenting his inevitable loss and his current sickness. Just go be with him, make new memories, take pictures, and support him.
 

CoffeeHorse

*sip*
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
I feel guilt. He should get to hold grandchildren.

He had a name in mind for me. My mother had a different name in mind. So they compromised and went with my mother's choice.

It would be nice to let him hold a grandson with that name he picked.
 

wonko the sane?

You may test that assumption at your convinience.
Citizen
I feel guilt. He should get to hold grandchildren.

He had a name in mind for me. My mother had a different name in mind. So they compromised and went with my mother's choice.

It would be nice to let him hold a grandson with that name he picked.
You have no reason to feel guilt.

Unless you gave him the cancer. You... didn't give him cancer, did you?

Some people simply do not get to enjoy moments in life that others do. I don't want to equate the holding of his son's son to something paltry like graduating university, or holding a mortgage burning party, or buying your first car... but... That's the idea.

As long as you lead your best possible life, then you have honoured everything your father wanted. As long as you have good memories of your time with him, and stories to share with all those who might next, then you honour his memory.

Guilt will do nothing here except cloud the time you have left. Do be guilty, be the ray of ******* sunshine I know you to be.
 

CoffeeHorse

*sip*
Staff member
Council of Elders
Citizen
They still think it's pancreatic cancer. Stage 4. Game over. Supposedly. But they didn't find cancer anywhere other than the pancreas so it seems like a very strange stage 4.

I'm not giving up. I found another doctor who seems really promising. His office called back within a minute. He's already looking at the records and wants to take the case immediately.
 

Echowarrior

Member
Citizen
Work is still driving me nuts. Home is still driving me nuts. It's getting increasingly difficult for me to get anything done for myself, much to my chagrin.

The really sad thing is that I did reach out to that hotline, and you know what happened? They hung up on me. Three times. Got through on the fourth try and the guy on the other end came across as so apathetic, I felt like a rock would give me more sympathy. There's a problem there.
 

Caldwin

Lifer
Citizen
That kinda pisses me off that they were like that.

Full disclosure, it wasn't the hotline I called. I talked to my doctor who gave me the name of someone. She wasn't covered by the EPA (Employee Assistance Program), so I called them and got the number for who I'm seeing now.

So I wound up doing my own research. But that's not something you want to tell someone who may be on the edge "do your own research." The number I have to suggest, the number everyone always tells you, it's the number I gave.

So it pisses me off that the kind of people they have working there would give you that kind of response.

I mean, that makes me glad that this thread exists so there can be some kind of emergency "I need to talk now."

But even at that, you wrote that yesterday? I'm only just now replying? This is a safe space, a place where everyone can share experiences. But it's not set up to take the place of a help line. We're not professionals.

It so much pisses me off that's the response you got.

I hope things are going at least better since you wrote that.
 
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