Optimus Prime – Cybertronian Menace In Need of an Intervention?

Optimus Prime, violent leader of the Cybertronian war-faction known as “Autobots”, is back in the news yet again.  Less than a week after rolling over on a highway in Queretaro, Mexico while driving at excess speed, Prime has now been involved in a robbery at a Starbucks in Fresno, California.  Has Prime’s preference for taking faces taken a pernicious affect on his personality?  Tune in after the break and let us judge for yourself!

Driving While Enertoxicated?

On July 18th, Optimus Prime was captured sideways on a road in Quetaro, Mexico.  The accident was caused when Prime, carrying gravel, exceeded the recommended speed in a sharp curve.  Traffic on Constituyentes Ave., leading to the feeder for the Celaya highway, was greatly affected.  A spokesperson for Prime has released a statement that the accident was in no way related to Prime’s habit of binge-drinking energon with Shia Labouf to get the courage to take faces, a behavior some are now calling an addiction.

 

A Hot Cup of Gimme Your Face?  Venti, Please…

To add fire to the flames, a report has just come in that shows video of a clearly out of shape Optimus brandishing a knife inside a Starbucks, in a failed attempt to take the cashier’s face.  No statement has been made yet by Bumblebee, who only mustered a beep and a whizing sound before hanging up on the studio rep that made the call.

Starbucks customer tackles robber

A Starbucks customer took the law into his own hands — and fought an armed robber in a Transformers mask.

Posted by BBC News on Monday, July 24, 2017

 

Earth Defense Command: “Nothing to see here.”

Earth Defense Command liaison Marissa Fairborn has assured us in an exclusive interview to be aired later this week that while the Cybertronians are still adjusting to life on Earth, these events are not indicative of the behavior of their entire race and that we have nothing to fear.  Time will tell if she is right, assuming we can afford to wait for this to play out.

Stay tuned, as we at Allspark News continue our truthy coverage of these events and make sure you know how to think and feel about it before things get as bad as they could!

 

Comments

Jason

Jason (Onyx Minor) has been a contributor of News and Content since 2007.He is a fan of beast modes, multilingualism and Jammie Dodgers.