2008: A Year in Review – Guest Article by Bonecrusher

{mosimage} In celebration of the passing of the last year and the dawning of a new, a certain ball of rage has generously offered (We had to threaten him) to write up a recap of 2008.  Here's a preview: He Hated It.  Click the title to read 2008: A Year in Review, Written by Bonecrusher.

Well last year sucked. I hated it.

What, you were expecting more?  As if I don’t have better things to do than write stupid recaps of a year.  Actually, I don’t… Fine. You win.  So, 2008.  All sorts of important things happened this year – the economy crashed, some dude got elected President, and there was a movie about some fool in a bat costume running around fighting a clown. Yeah, there’s money in that idea there. But since you no-doubt want me to write about that shameful robot-toy line my species had the gal to sell itself out to, fine, I’ll write about Transformers.

I was absent from the greater whole of all things Transformers this year, so I don’t see why you should care. In the comic realm, there was a lot of hoo-ha about that Furman guy wrapping up the major IDW story arc like some vast predatory bird. And then, to top that off, there was All Hail Megatron, though why we should be saluting that smarmy mug of his is beyond me. Starscream too got a comic series all his own, and that featured me for all of 3 panels. Three! Come on! I had the best darn action sequence in the film, and I get no slagging respect. Is that too much to ask? I thought so.

On the TV side of things, the year started out with a big fragging bang, as Animated hit the airwaves and became one of Cartoon Network’s top shows, proving that Cartoon Network is watched solely by blind people. I don’t know anyone can watch that mess without gouging their optic’s out. There was something about the kid being a robot, and Mixmaster and Scrapper called me up to say that they got parts again – well, woopty dee slagging do, that still leaves me in the poor house. To rub salt in the wound, we found out Blackout will be showing up in Season 3, along with not-Optimus, another yellow brat, a couple of femmebots and Cyclonus (who I hate). I don’t know how they get away with throwing these trashy bots into the show and ignoring a natural star like myself.

And oh yeah, their filming a sequel. Revenge of the Watchmacallit. That Fire guy that got ejected from Pat Lee’s mental wasteland. The Tripped, or something. I’m not in it anymore (Not that I would want to – I suffered enough Michael-Bay Inflicted Explosions the first time around) so I don’t care.

Lot’s of stupid toys came out this year, including a tiny sad disgusting pathetic ugly version of me, as well as an entire line of tiny sad disgusting pathetic ugly versions of everybody. Robot Hero’s. Even that stupid Mountain Dew thing got one. And if there wasn’t enough sad disgusting pathetic ugly versions of Transformers out there, there’s a couple of those Mighty Muggs things too. And Hasbro is still in business how?

Animated and Universe and rejected repaints from the film dominated toy shelves. So your choices were toys you already had, toys that looked just like what you already had, and toys that looked like what you already had drawn by three year olds. Universe had cars, and cars, and more cars, and one stupidly tiny tank. Animated had a broad selection of everything you ever wanted to hate – cars, trucks, tanks, jets, and spiders. I hate spiders. Especially hot ones who never return your calls. Ahem.

In Japan, they re-released a bunch of toys you got 20 years ago, just in case you broke it. Also, they released better paint schemes of a bunch more toys you already had (I am noticing a trend here). The final bit of big news this year was that the mentally deficient dinosaur got himself a Masterpiece figure, and proceeded to brag about it for 2 months straight. Apparently nobody told him he came with a fragging apron. They should have made a masterpiece of me. I could have come with Prime’s decapitated head. Now ask yourself, which one would you really want more?

The dinosaur? Slag off. I hate you all.