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Ever been in an open relationship?


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#1 Crypt

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 06:10 PM

So I've been given permission to have relations with others if I so please. I've always been open to the idea, but never actually had anyone tell me I could. I've had friends with benefits setups before, but not an open relationship.

Anyone here ever been in one? How was it? Hit any weird road blocks or did reality conflict with expectations?

#2 Dissever

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 06:24 PM

Given the subject matter, I think you need to slap some really big warnings to potential posters to be very thoughtful regarding their replies. Otherwise, I see this thread getting shut down VERY quickly.

Some other information you may want to consider including in your post:

Whether you and your partner are married, engaged, steady. For how long?
What is your partners' interest level in seeing others?
What are the limits of your encounters? Will your home be opened to hosting?

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#3 MrBlud

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 06:33 PM

I've always been mystiified by the very idea of an open relationship.

Ideally, shouldn't the one you're already in fulfill everything a relationship "should"?

And if fit doesn't, why remain in the relationship with the alpha person?

#4 Crypt

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 06:49 PM

QUOTE(MrBlud @ Apr 12 2012, 07:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've always been mystiified by the very idea of an open relationship.

Ideally, shouldn't the one you're already in fulfill everything a relationship "should"?

And if fit doesn't, why remain in the relationship with the alpha person?


People have different ideals about what a relationship is and does. For me it'd be the love aspect. I don't think sex has to be bound to it. It's a nice benefit, but the relationship doesn't have to have a monopoly on it. Just the same way that your partner doesn't have to be your only friend, he/she doesn't need to be your only sexual partner. And even then, plenty of people believe that even love doesn't need 1 person monopoly and enter into poly-amorous relationships.

So "ideally" is different for different people when they have different standards on what constitutes a good relationship.

#5 Evil Zoe

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 06:51 PM

Yeah, I was sort of in one.

It's not for me.

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#6 Fangwing

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 06:52 PM

QUOTE(MrBlud @ Apr 12 2012, 06:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've always been mystiified by the very idea of an open relationship.

Ideally, shouldn't the one you're already in fulfill everything a relationship "should"?

And if fit doesn't, why remain in the relationship with the alpha person?


I've been in an open relationship for 10 out of the 12 years Chris and I have been together. It's very liberating for both of us: if there's ever any sense of stagnation in our intimate life, we are permitted to seek companionship elsewhere, either on our own, or together. I'm trying to be as delicate in wording as possible here... heh. As long as there is significant communication and trust, the potential for conflict is greatly diminished-- to the point of being near nil.

Are we ever jealous of each other's companions? Occasionally, but it's almost always based on aesthetics.

It takes a very particular level of compatibility for two people to agree to an open relationship and make it work... I'm completely fulfilled by my partner, and although I would be perfectly happy in a closed relationship, there's a different level of fulfillment we feel when we're allowed to stray. It's kind of an adventure.

The idea of a polyamorous relationship is also on the table for us. There are a few people we've met in our lives that we have connected with in a way that make us consider opening ourselves to a third, but we're fat and things get cramped.

Edited by Dr Fang, 12 April 2012 - 06:54 PM.

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#7 Kalidor

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 06:55 PM

I haven't and it doesn't really sound like something I'd be a fan of. Stuff like group sex or whatever seems more like a "something I'd do when I'm single" kind of activity.

#8 Fangwing

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 06:57 PM

Something to note: I've encountered FAR more same-sex open relationships than opposite-sex ones. Anyone have opinions on why that is?
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#9 MrBlud

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 06:58 PM

QUOTE(Crypt @ Apr 12 2012, 07:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE(MrBlud @ Apr 12 2012, 07:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I've always been mystiified by the very idea of an open relationship.

Ideally, shouldn't the one you're already in fulfill everything a relationship "should"?

And if fit doesn't, why remain in the relationship with the alpha person?


People have different ideals about what a relationship is and does. For me it'd be the love aspect. I don't think sex has to be bound to it. It's a nice benefit, but the relationship doesn't have to have a monopoly on it. Just the same way that your partner doesn't have to be your only friend, he/she doesn't need to be your only sexual partner. And even then, plenty of people believe that even love doesn't need 1 person monopoly and enter into poly-amorous relationships.

So "ideally" is different for different people when they have different standards on what constitutes a good relationship.


Fair enough.

#10 Crypt

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 07:03 PM

QUOTE(Dr Fang @ Apr 12 2012, 07:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Something to note: I've encountered FAR more same-sex open relationships than opposite-sex ones. Anyone have opinions on why that is?


Maybe it's because we already have to brush against the norms of society, so maybe that brings to the table more norms we can experiment with more easily.

The wiki stats are interesting though:
http://en.wikipedia....en_relationship
QUOTE
1983 study by Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz:[1]
15 percent of married couples in a sample of 3,574 couples, had ?an understanding that allows non-monogamy under some circumstances?
28 percent of cohabitating couples had ?an understanding that allows non-monogamy under some circumstances?
29 percent of lesbian couples had ?an understanding that allows non-monogamy under some circumstances?
65 percent of gay male couples had ?an understanding that allows non-monogamy under some circumstances?




#11 OrionPax44

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 07:07 PM

People that are open to an open relationship hey do what you like. To me its means to an end, The end of a relationship. Thats my opinion. If yours is different good im happy for you I wont try to change it don't try to change mine. Me and my wife always joke about how she would jump Johnny Depp or Vin Diesel and my girfriend is Zhang Zizi. But the truth is we both make each other happy and nothing is missing from our relationship. So my serious honest question is is there something missing from your relationship or do you both just want to explore cause be careful it can be a very sharp double-edged sword.

Good luck

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#12 TM2-Megatron

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 07:18 PM

I haven't myself, but I've known a few people who've tried it. It worked for some, and not for others (the latter group being a bit bigger). Many people just aren't suited to that kind of thing; it sounds fine to them on paper (especially guys), but in practice resentment eventually builds up and kills the primary relationship. But if one is the type of person who can deal with it (and the other person in the relationship is, as well), then it seems to be fine.

However, I'm reminded of Tobias F?nke's thoughts on open relationships, lol.



#13 Destron D-69

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 07:18 PM

as far as I know every relationship I've had was an open one

>_> being that the door's always open if I wanted to leave LOL

I don't think I've met a woman that was INTO the idea that I might be looking around "browsing" if you will. Then they always seemed a little weird-ed out when I say I don't mind her looking.

the way I look at it: I've loved all the women I've had relationships with, I've remained close with most of the more recent ones and a LOT of the ones from my youth... I treat them with the respect any individual deserves ... having played with her underbits, doesn't make her less of a person after I'm not able to anymore. LOL

:

As to your question/statement Fang, I can only say that yeah, it must just be a cultural thing - what with all the other baggage being dealt with, this sort of thing -bound to be easier to work through.

maybe just the whole 'like minds' angle, Men and Women have group socializing...

two guys in a bar listening to a 3rd harass a lady -one nodes to the other and without words the conversation has been made that "this is going to end now, got my back if it comes to blows?"
Women have that whole, tilt head to side - off to washroom in pairs thing as just another example.

so yeah, I never being in a non-hetero relationship - can only guess that yeah its the 'working from the same OS' and the somewhat unique situation that you seem to be noticing at work.

O_o I tell you I'd have had a lot more 3somes if I met women that thought like guys icon-fire.gif


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#14 tec

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 07:42 PM

Im in one right now both girls know about the other one both get jelous at times but there 0 contact between thim one is bi and has a relationship with another girl who I dont know or have 0 contact with

Both got sick of the guys that they where with being aholes till they found me im a very nice guy and they both never had that before they tried fighting over me at first tring to make me choose I was going to let thim go for there own good and find someone else enitrly but both decide to let me keep seeing the other with out much drama

Just be honest with thim I never lie to both of my girls no matter what as long as Im doing nothing wrong theres nothing to hide

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#15 Creature SH

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 08:39 PM

My girlfriend told me that I should have sex with other women as well as with her (partially because I didn't have that much experience prior to meeting her, and she's afraid that I might be missing out on something), but honestly.. I'm not going to take that risk. There's always the chance that it will unexpectedly bother her, after all or lead to other, tricky issues. And I don't want to risk losing her over that.

#16 Kalidor

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 08:44 PM

Also, gonorrhea

#17 Solarstorm

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 08:54 PM

I think the biggest question is who this is supposed to be for.

Have you had any complaints about the frequency or quality of sex? It could be her trying to solve the problem and keep you.

Is it out of the blue? For her? If so, she may have someone on the side and be trying to legitimize it and/or alleviate her guilt by ensuring that you are also with someone else.

Or, best case scenario, she's just into this kind of thing. She might have more awesome surprises for you down the line. letters to the editor kind of surprises.

Edited by Solarstorm, 12 April 2012 - 08:56 PM.

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#18 Swampflight

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 08:59 PM

My ex-wife and I had an open relationship,she kept opening my wallet so I opened the front door.

#19 Kalidor

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 09:03 PM

QUOTE(Solarstorm @ Apr 12 2012, 09:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the biggest question is who this is supposed to be for.

Have you had any complaints about the frequency or quality of sex? It could be her trying to solve the problem and keep you.

Is it out of the blue? For her? If so, she may have someone on the side and be trying to legitimize it and/or alleviate her guilt by ensuring that you are also with someone else.

Or, best case scenario, she's just into this kind of thing. She might have more awesome surprises for you down the line. letters to the editor kind of surprises.



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#20 Darkstream

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 09:33 PM

It works for some and doesnt work for others. You jealousy levels will be the key, that and trust.Thats it.



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