So hey, remember back in the day when we had a bandwagon where everyone had an "ask me" thread (except Devcon, who had a "don't ask me" thread, because he's a crotchety old fart)? Well I was doing it before it was cool.

And now, bring me your problems so that I may solve them in ways that, should you follow my advice, may or may not get your hurt, expelled, arrested, or possibly deported.

Show me the way to inner peace that doesn't involve selling my soul to various demons just to see what the hell would happen in the bidding war.

Ironbite-also, pale moonlight devil danced with have you ever?

I hear good things about meditation and the removal of material possessions. I remain unconvinced, but if you need storage for said possessions while you try, let me know. You may also want to know that your soul isn't worth a whole lot on the infernal market, all those explosions and respawns are making it somewhat...less than mint condition.

And the devil has thirty-seven left feet. Or at least that's how many times he stepped on mine.

How do I achieve perfect Zen-like harmony?

By pushing through the chaos and hatred and spite until you snap and then coming out the other side of it.

Alternately, drugs. Loooooots of drugs.

Which is the lesser evil: To write fan-fiction, and thus lose any real ownership or to borrow heavily from a source to influence an original story?

If you plan to have something published, better to be derivative than just to blatantly rip off. David Eddings made a career of taking common fantasy literature tropes and building great stories around them. (Except for the Dreamers, but let's forget that ever happened.) If you're just going to leave it on the internet, fan fiction will get more attention than something with an original name. So it depends on your intended level of exposure.

If said level of exposure approaches the indecent, keep it to yourself. The internet has more than enough of that already. Goddamn people making Transformers bukake......

Ugg...the Dreamers. Its like he was seeing how many times and from how many perspectives he could write ONE GOD DAMN STORY FROM! hug me.

Ironbite-bring on the hot little red heads

The entire series had pacing problems, and most of the characters were pretty flat and boring, but it's mostly the massive deus ex machina ending that bothers me. Oh hey, those last four books suddenly never happened. What a payoff!

The Redemption of Althalus did the same basic story better, in one book, with far less plot devicery. Which is saying something when the entire plot revolves around two plot devices.

To be fair, I gave up after the second book. Just...couldn't take it anymore.

Ironbite-Redemption is such a better story.

Did you want American or Swiss?

I read through it when it was first released in paperback (because I'm a cheap bastard) out of sheer stubbornness, hoping it would improve. It didn't.

Then I read through it a second time a few months ago to see if it really was as bad as I remembered. And...yeah, it pretty much was.



Provolone.

marble string cheese .. comes in a 16 pack..mmm black diamond

I'm amazed. You actually made a post without a Youtube video.

Then again, it IS the full moon....

Goons or Pythons?

who moved my cheese?

*Pushes in a petrified Roman solder*

Enjoy!

I can't hear "pythons" without thinking of Hulk Hogan back before he looked like a saggy balloon made of over-tanned leather.



There are many possibilities. Maybe Ironbite stole it. Maybe Firebird1 was talking about it and went to make me a sammich. Maybe it spontaneously developed legs, either to escape or just to piss off creationists. Personally, I blame global warming.



Great, I needed a doorstop. Now where's my sammich?

What do you want on your Tombstone?

how do we stop the brony infection before it consumes all of mayhem? and where the hell is my thread?

Why do I need to blame it on the boom boom?

Something simple, yet elegant. I imagine a single hand flipping the bird will suffice.



Just wait for it to die out like all the other fads. And your thread has apparently been bumped since last I looked.



Because it probably was explosion-related, knowing you.

Massacre wurm or Grave Titan?

I prefer the Titan, since it makes extra chump blockers.

Best commentary I've ever seen on it: "I don't know what it's like to load a comically large bazooka full of zombies and shoot it at someone, but I have played a Grave Titan, and I imagine they're somewhat similar."

Does buying an iMac and installing Windows on it seem as silly to you as it does to me?

About as silly as putting a stupidly expensive sound system in a beater car that won't last a year.

Quick, what is the square root of 2!

Pineapple.

So should I listen to the voices in my head when they tell me to go taunt the big black man who's currently kicking my ass in every single match we're in? Or am I thinking I'm somebody else?

Totally go for it. If he's already kicking your ass anyway, you might as well have some fun belittling him in the process.

To be or not to be?

Eventually Megatron will succumb to the standard shattering problems of the mold, so most likely not to be.

i need to make a level 12 evil character by sunday. stipulations are i have to have the leadership feat, and no undead. thoughts? i usually play necromancers and barbarians so there out.

When in doubt, I tend to fall back on dragons. But other than that....
-An assassin and his partner hired to take out the party
-A wizard (of the non-necromancy variety) doing dangerous research
-A pair of druids using the awakening spell to recruit animals to their cause
-A cleric of an evil god and a trainee looking for sacrificial victims
-Elves, because elves are dicks

Skulls or Blood?

Bloody skulls.

so in the first adventure for the evil campagin we saved a village mayors baby from some local competition, held the kid for ransom to gain the village and feed our growing army and then fed the baby to our kobolds. thoughts?

Now you need to find something large to throw explosive-carrying kobolds at.

Alternately, make all of your kobolds take wizard levels and cast nothing but magic missile, all the time. Death of 1000d4.

Should I make that contract?

My dog keeps pooping where he ought not to poop; how do I get him to hug off?

Sure. Just because it'll sign over your soul to me and give me power of attorney is no reason not to sign.


Rubbing their nose in it doesn't work as well as you'd think. You just have to get him in the habit of pooping where he's supposed to poop.

Oh hey, that's where I left all those black diamonds.

:::casts Raise Thread:::

what huh who turned on the lights!?

Did you decide to start answering questions again or are we invading another province again?

When will gay marriage be legal in the realms of the dead?

Which would you suggest for my hamburger? Mustard or Relish?

Light is for the weak. Learn to use flatulence sonar.


Both. Ready the torches and pitchforks.


You're assuming the dead care enough to marry. Usually they just want to kill/recruit/eat the living.


Yesterday I got to play with my new grill. Cheeseburger with ketchup, spinach and jalapeno-flavored Ruffles. Mmm.

Mine was a trick question as I put neither in my burgers. What you listed, however, sound like stuff I WOULD put in there. Well played.

golurk or chandelar?

I didn't quite answer because I don't care for mustard or relish anyway. And god help if you bring up mayo, I may projectile vomit.


I'm going with Golurk because GIANT EFFING ROBOT, but I'm still personally partial to Haunter.