Well, Sobana, I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to this, but here's my commentary on Maidens of Twilight.
Not much to comment on during the section you released the first time, so I'll just skip ahead to the Gem Ore fetch quest.
1. I lol'd at the Giggle at the Ghostie reference. (Though I do have a few suggestions on how to make it a little less awkward.
2. During the Everfree Forest section, I recommend either:
a) Add a bit more variety to the monster types
b) Increase the monster levels a bit
c) Decrease the frequency of random encounters
d) Decrease the mane 6's power levels
The one thing that kills most otherwise decent RPGs is too much dull redundancy--constantly fighting small groups of weak enemies tends to induce boredom and/or annoyance, and can be extremely frustrating, especially using a random encounter system.
3. Nice choice of character model for the G&PT, feels very much like her.
4. The little boy's reaction to the crystal being "turned on in reverse" (How does one even do
that?) made me lol.
5. So the crystal that we just went into the Everfree Forest to get materials for just explodes for no apparent reason? Hmm . . . I'm starting to suspect Pinkie Pie may have something to do with this . . .
6. Darnit, Rainbow Dash! Stop pointing out the plot holes! That's what I'm
supposed to be doing!
7. Well, as the old saying goes, every RPG quest starts in a tavern . . .
8. Something about Twilight saying "I don't think any of us have ever been outside the town before" seems . . . somehow inaccurate.
9. Mostly just a style choice, depending on what type of gameplay experience you're going for, but it might be wise to auto-heal characters when they level, so they don't wind up missing half of their health bar just because they've been leveling up but haven't gone back to an inn in a while.
10. Another style choice, but I've often found that--at least in RPGs where the character starts out at their own house--the party can rest at the main character's house for free. I've often found this incredibly helpful early on, when you may not be able to afford an inn (Not really a problem in this case, but thought I should mention it anyway).
11. This game is FAR too easy. The number one issue I have with this game is that the battles feel completely trivial. There is almost no challenge because Twilight and company are SERIOUSLY overpowered. No character should be able to one-hit-kill an enemy at level 5, and Twilight's magic shouldn't be able to sap all of the challenge out of a fight that easily. Please, Sobana, for the love of all that is Pony, reduce the characters' combat strength!
12. During the first conversation with the mining foreman, one character says "At least give us a chance!" The character portrait is that of the Great and Powerful Trixie. I presume this is an error, given that Trixie isn't even in the village (as far as we know).
13. Don't worry, Fluttershy, the explosives aren't dangerous. Until they explode, at least. Twice.
14. Don't worry, Fluttershy. The explosives barely do anything at all. Seriously, explosions should at least make a noticeable dent in a character's health bar. These seem more like party poppers than excavation materials.
15. BUG: if you find the trapped miner in the north room and kick the rock away, then leave the room without talking to him, and then go back into the room, the rock is back in place in front of him and you can't kick it away again.
Unfortunately, due to my having reached a dead end due to the bug described above, I will have to continue my commentary when I get back to that point. The point at which I last saved was about three or four levels ago, so I probably won't make it back there until tomorrow. So, ta-ta for now.
Nevermind, it didn't actually take very long to get back up to speed. The commentary will now continue.
Hm. Just finished the rest of the demo. The ruins are a bit trickier than the previous stages, so my previous gripe about the difficulty is now more or less a moot point. However, I still think you may want to reduce the frequency of random encounters in the 5-switch-puzzle area of the ruins. Running back and forth to check door positions got pretty touch-and-go.
As for the ending, I don't really have much to say. I am certainly quite eager to see the next chapter of this game. If you're planning on selling it, I'd like to offer to proofread and beta test it in exchange for a free copy.
***COMMENTARY IS FINISHED***