"SKYWARP'S FAIRYTALE"
1998 Whirlaway stonegd AT yahoo DOT com
http://whirlaway-pred.livejournal.com/
*BOOM BANG THUD*. Rumble looks up from his quaking to see what that
last sound effect was from. What he finds, however, is Thundercracker
glaring down at him menacingly.
"Er- I'm, ah, not bothering you, am I 'Cracker?"
Thundercracker continues to sneer at Rumble for moment longer, then breaks off
his visual attack and goes to sit in the corner. Starscream speaks up from across
the room to gang up on the unsuspecting mini-bot.
"Rumble, if you *must* so that, at least do so outside or- better yet- at Autobot
headquarters. But you only succeed in disturbing my work here."
Rumble thinks it's unfair for the two Seekers to pick on the little mini-bot, so he
transforms his arms and exits the room, silently pouting, to go find Frenzy.
"Boooooooooorinnnnng," Frenzy whines loudly as he kicks back in his seat,
eying the tidily- winks game in front on him. Rumble crouches on all fours, then
expertly flips his chip across the 'pond'. "I know this is booooring, but there ain't
a lot to do around here, ya know?"
"Stuck on Earth," Frenzy adds with spite.
"Hey you guys- wanna hear a story I made up?" Rumble and Frenzy look up from
their game to see Skywarp, who is walking towards them.
"Yeah- you got a good one?" Frenzy asks eagerly. "Well... I dunno-" Skywarp
pauses dramatically, "- it might be too deep for you guys."
As he stops to let that sink in, the two mini-bots puff up and start to boast that
'anything Warp can do, they can do better.'
"Well ok you two- listen up then..."
DISCLAIMERS: All characters; copyright Hasbro, Sunbow,
Marvel, ect. This is in no way connected to the companies or
is endorsed by them.
CAST OF CHARECTERS:
Skywarp as Robot Hood
Starscream as Generic Handsome Prince
Thundercracker as (under protest) Fairy Godfather
Dirge, Thrust and Ramjet as 3 Billybots Gruff
Dead End as Generic Damsel in Distress
Shockwave as Big Giant
Soundwave as Troll under the bridge
Motormaster as (under direst) Easter Bunnybot
Megatron (gen 1, not the cute one) as Big Bad Santacon
Robot Hood was a very dashing and courageous guy. He robbed
energy from the flesh creatures on Earth (they had more 'n enough) and gave
it to his energon- poor buddies back on Cybertron.
At this moment, Robot Hood was wondering the country side; flying along in
jet mode, looking for a source of energy.
He suddenly spotted a figure kneeling at the base of a tower. Robot Hood,
the great guy that he was, decided to stop and investigate. The black and
purple jet transformed, and landed in robot form next to the kneeling figure.
"Oh Generic Damsel in Distress," the figure called to the tower window,
"would you not let down your golden tresses and as so I may climbest up
them and rescuest thou?"
"Uh, 'scuse me kind sir," Robot Hood said, tapping the guy on the shoulder,
"but if you go *up*, then you'll both be trapped. And that's a 6-splice wig-
it'll fall off and/or break if you climb up it."
"Not just now, noble countryman! Cannost thee see I am previously engaged?"
"Great, but you'll do no rescuein' with that plan."
The figure pondered this, fingers tapping chin thoughtfully. "I supposest thou
is... correct," he said resignedly.
The figure got up and dusted himself off. Then he extended his hand to
Robot Hood to shake.
"I am known as Generic Handsome Prince. I have traveled far in search
of a fair damsel to court, and have had no luck as far." He looked up
toward the Generic Damsel, who in turn stared down at the two robots
below.
"How depressing," Damsel mumbled; chin resting on her (his??) ((it???))
hand, elbow on window sill.
"Whatest thee seeks?" Generic Handsome Prince asked to Robot Hood.
"Oh- I'm lookin' for another source of energy for my buddies back on
Cybertron," Hood said proudly.
"How depressing," Damsel moaned from above.
"Fear notest, Damsel, I shall rescue you from your prison!!"
"You depress me." Generic Damsel's statement took much of Generic
Prince's determination away, and he hesitated. "Ah- I've got an idea,
Prince," Hood said, eyeing Damsel. "How about you join me to look
for energy?"
"Sounds depressing," observed Damsel.
"I shall do it!" Prince exclaimed.
"What about me," droned Generic Damsel.
"Oh poo on you- you're not gonna spoil our fun. C'mon Prince!" exclaimed
Hood, and they walked off.
Generic Damsel watched them disappear over a rise on the path. "How
depressing," she/he/it mumbled.
Hood and Prince were hitting it off great, even if Hood couldn't
understand some of the things Prince said. No matter though, because just
then, Hood stopped dead as a faint glow appeared before the two travelers.
"Whatist?!?" demanded Prince of the glow.
Eventually, the glow shifted into the shape of a small (very small- human
size) robot that looked just like Hood and Prince, except it was blue with
white trim. The thing flapped it's wings furiously in front of them for a
moment, then reached into it's subspace and pulled out a glittery wand.
"Who- *what* are you" Hood asked.
The small thing paused long enough to adjust a crude looking, way-too-large
crown that was perched in it's head. "I'm yer Fairy Godfather, and you get
3 wishes." The blue robot smiled sneeringly at Prince, but did not really
seem hostile.
But Robot Hood was skeptical.
"3 wishes huh? humph. I've heard'a this stuff before. Some stupid little
unemployed Fairy from the Union finds an adventurer ta latch on ta, and
steals all his loot! Well, I'm not buyin' it- no how." Hood crossed his arms,
but the Fairy irritably adjusts his crown again and jerks his wand in Hood's
direction, causing glitter to fly on him.
"Listen you- ya get your 3 wishes, I fill my contract, and be on my way!
That's the way it works, and that's how it's gonna be!! So I stick around
'till you
wish yer 3!!"
"Oooh- Hood! Wish me a fair Damsel!" Prince says. Hood just shrugs.
"I dunno know about this.... Prince? How do we know he's for real?"
Prince pointed to the wand. "It has glitter. You can always tell by yon
glitter!"
"Hey- you're right! OK. Fairy Godfather- wish us up an adventure!" The
Godfather straightens, then shakes the wand. The scenery changes mentionably,
and Hood now finds himself with his two companions standing in a large
throne room of a castle!
He looks up and sees a 'bot who appears to be the King, looking very,
very sad, even though he's sittin' on a throne. He brightens somewhat
when he sees the three in front of him.
"Have you come for the job?" he asks.
"What job?" Prince says bluntly.
"Why- the job I'm paying 11,000,000 energon cubes to the robot(s) that
find my kidnaped daughter and bring her back to me!"
"11,000,00 million????!?? Say no more! We'll take the job!" Hood
had just volunteered all three of them, but Prince doesn't mind because
it involves a Damsel in distress, and Godfather doesn't mind because it
gives him a chance to grant the two other wishes.
"Excellent!" the tired looking King exclaims. "Bring my daughter back
safe and sound and you shall have your energon cubes!"
So Hood, Prince, and the Godfather exit the castle and start out
on their Great Adventure. Godfather points out that they don't know the
first place to look, and maybe they should ask around to see if anyone's
seen a maiden being kidnapped. Prince counters that kidnapers do not
nap out in public, and it would be pointless to waste time hunting down
a peasant to inquire. While they were arguing, Hood ignored them and
wondered just how he was going to find the maiden.
He wondered about this until the traveling triple came upon 3
other robots that all looked alike except for their paint jobs... which was
eerily familiar to Hood. His companions didn't notice at first, but they
did stop walking and floating (respectively) in time enough not to collide
with the three strangers.
"I say- you three there! For whatest are thee verily straying about for?"
Prince asked a blue one as he came up.
"What did he say??" a reddish one asked. Hood shrugged. "I think he
wants to know what yer holdin up traffic for. Why don't you cross the
bridge?"
The blue one looked down at the water below with scorn and said
"Because there resides a metal eating troll under this bridge. And if
you try to fly over- he'll shoot you. If you try to cross the bridge he'll
eat you. And if you try to swim, well, he'll blow bubbles at you."
"I see," Hood said thoughtfully. "Say, what are your names?"
The blue pointed to his companions: "Those two are Thrust Gruff and
Ramjet Gruff. I am Dirge Gruff. We are called the Three Billybots Gruff."
"I'm Robot Hood, this here's Generic Handsome Prince (Prince extends
a hand and shakes Dirge Gruff's), and that's my Fairy Godfather
(Godfather adjusts crown; "Charmed," he mumbles.). We're lookin'
for a kidnaped maiden. Seen one?"
"Why yes- if you mean the King's daughter, she was taken by Troll's
master; Big Giant. See that castle on the far hill? Big Giant resides
there." Dirge Gruff looked down at the water again. "But alas, we
cannot cross. And us three Gruff's were only going to refuel."
Hood pondered this new dilemma. How to cross the bridge, he
wondered. While he brainstormed, Ramjet cautiously tip toed to the
edge of the bank and looked down under the bridge. He came back
over and says "He's down there all right! Maybe if we run real fast,
we can make it without his knowin' we were even there!"
"No, no Ramjet Gruff. I've a better idea," Hood said. "Here's what
we'll do...
Troll was just settling down for a nap, when he hears a clicking
noise above him. Someone was crossing his bridge!! The *NERVE*!!!!!
He'd show them-
Troll snarls in bloodthirsty rage as he charges up to the left side of the
bridge to block the trespassers advance. He draws himself up to his
full height, and glares across the bridge at the advancing red/white/blue
robot that is cautiously creeping across the wooden bridge.
"WHO GOES THERE," Troll monotones.
"I amst Generic Handsome Prince, and I need to cross this yon bridge!"
"NEGATIVE. OPERATION SHALL BE TERMINATED. YOU MAY
NOT PROCEED; BY THE AUTHORIZATION OF BIG GIANT."
"But I say here, I am verily bringing sir Big Giant a big present! I am
to deliver it to him personally, and I must crossest this bridge in order
to deliver the offering!"
"I WILL NOT REPEAT MYSELF. YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED.
PREPARE FOR TERMINATION."
Troll begins to advance on Prince, and he starts to wonder why he
volunteered for Hood's plan ('Verily, cannest thou keep jumping into
fickle situations such as this?!').
"I say, Troll! Why eat me, when you can rather feast upon a trio of
Gruffs!??"
This stops the Troll dead in his tracks, and he scowls a bit at Prince.
"YOU HAVE ACCESS TO GRUFFS?"
"Why.. no, not myself, but I know there shall be three Gruffs traveling
along here in awhile. And if you arest detained with me; the Gruffs
shall impede an escape!"
"YOU.... HAVE STRUCK A DEAL. PROCEED."
Prince meekly slinks across the bridge, optics on the Troll, and
thanks his luck.
Now come the three Gruffs across the bridge; Dirge moving
gracefully, Thrust stomping, and Ramjet sort of clunking.
"CEASE YOUR TRAVEL GRUFFS; YOU SHALL BE MY NEXT
MEAL."
"Why did I let you talk me into this," Thrust mumbles to Dirge.
"Give it a chance," Dirge mumbles back.
Dirge steps forward, and says to the large Troll "You have excellent
taste in choosing us Gruffs, yet you can't have *too* good of taste; as
there is far better prey just behind us...."
"WHO IS COMING BEHIND YOU?"
"Why, the *ahem* legendary Robot Hood himself! Imagine- if you could
capture Robot Hood and take him to your superior, why, you'd *surely*
be promoted."
"YOU HAVE RAISED AN EXCELLENT POINT. YOU MAY CROSS."
The Troll steps aside, and the Gruffs cross the bridge.
Troll silently waits for Robot Hood, and he doesn't have to wait
long. (What Troll doesn't know, however, is that inside Hood's
canopy is the Fairy Godfather.) Hood stops in the middle of the
bridge and waits for Troll's opening verse.
"ROBOT HOOD- CONSIDER YOURSELF MY PRISONER.
I WILL TAKE YOU TO MY SUPERIOR, AND HE WILL
PROMOTE ME FROM BRIDGE EXECUTIONER."
"OK. You win."
Troll hesitates, thinking Hood's answer is way to amble. Hood
is approaching him now, so Troll reaches to grab him.
But just before he grabs Hood's hands, Hood flips open his canopy
and Godfather jumps out and executes Hood's second wish- he
sends Troll flying off into space! Hood watched Troll fly off, then
looks down at Godfather and they nod at each other, smiling. Hood
proceeds across the bridge and joins Prince. They wave goodbye
to the three Gruffs, who are heading in the opposite direction to a
refueling hanger.
Godfather opens Hood's canopy and flutters out. "Well, that turned
out pretty good then, 'specially considering what *could've*
happened," he says.
"You got that right," Hood agrees as the trio starts off again
toward the castle that was sitting on a large hill at the end of
their path.
They had gone only a few yards when they noticed a
rustling in the bushes to their right. Hood motions for the other
two to stay put while he goes to investigate. Hood silently and
with great stealth creeps forward. When he gets close enough,
he parts the bushes to see who- or what- is making the ruckus.
He smiles and his engines warm at the sight of a fluffy greyish-
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" the bunny- type bot blurts at
him; panicky.
"You are not supposed to watch the Easter Bunnybot hide his
eggs!!! It is.. it is... WRONG!!" Of course Prince and Godfather
had came over by now to inspect Hood's find.
Godfather rubs his hands together and says something about paint.
Hood picks up the (large) bunny and sets him on the path.
"Well. Who are you and what do you wish from me," the Easter
Bunnybot demands.
"I am Generic Handsome Prince, and this brave lad be Robot
Hood."
The Fairy Godfather roughly taps on Prince with his wand, and
Prince adds "Oh yeah- and that is Fairy Godfather."
Easter Bunnybot wiggles his whiskers at the three, and reaches
into his basket. "Well, since you all have, *ahem*, *discovered*
me in my duties, I shall reward you three with... a petroleum
flavored bunny for Hood; an oil cake for Prince; and this lovely
colored egg for Godfather." Hood accepts his prize, and then
asks Easter Bunnybot if he's seen the kidnaped princess. Bunnybot
wiggles his whiskers at this. "Yeah, I saw her alright. I was
hiding eggs, and I saw from my hiding place that Big Giant oaf
taking her to his castle."
Bunnybot sighed and shifted uncomfortably. "But you cannot get
inside the castle, I'm afraid." "Hmmm... hadn't even thought of that
catch," Robot Hood says thoughtfully.
"Well; I do have an, er, *solution* for this dilemma," Easter
Bunnybot motions Hood closer with the crook of a pawed finger.
He produces a yellow key from his seemingly bottomless basket
and hands it to Hood.
"When hiding eggs in the castle for the Giant, I saw a set of keys.
I calculated that someone would come along to rescue the princess,
and wanted to assist somehow."
Hood thanked the Easter Bunnybot and patted him on the head.
The three started off again, and the Bunnybot disappeared into
the bushes.
When they got to the castle door, Hood inserts the yellow
key into it's appropriate slot and turns it. The door slowly opens,
and the three step inside as the door closes behind them; key still
in lock.
"Now what," Godfather says. Hood starts down a flight of stairs
to their right that lead into a basement- more than likely where
the jail is located.
Hood rounds a corner, and is suddenly face to face with the
one-eyed Giant!! Hood and his friends stop dead in their tracks,
while Giant looks down at them and announces that he had been
expecting them.
"What shall you do to us?!" Prince exclaims to Giant.
"You will be imprisoned; and inspected by Santacon when he
returns to the palace. He will instruct what to do with you."
"I don't suppose there is any way we could convince you to
let us go," says Godfather. "Negative. My orders are to be
executed at all cost. And my loyalty is unshakable."
As he starts to push the three into a prison cell, Hood reaches
into his sub space and pulls out the petroleum bunny Easter
Bunnybot gave him.
"Ah, would a petroleum goodie change your mind?" Hood
asks and thrusts it at the Giant.
Big Giant stops pushing and grabs the gift. He peers at it
critically for a moment.
"Very well. I shall spare you and you alone in exchange for
this offering." He then pushes Prince and Godfather into the
cell, leaving Hood behind. He locks the heavy cell door with
a key and stomps off up the stairs, unwrapping his bunny.
"I better get you guys out of here before that guy remembers he
doesn't have a mouth!"
A lock- picking device extends from Hood's wrist at a mental
command, and he pops the lock on the cell door. Hood, Prince
and Godfather quickly run up the stairs and pause at the top.
"I decree we wipest this program from our mission blanks and
depart!" Prince said.
But Hood shook his head. "We've come this far, and we can't
chicken out now! OK- the princess wasn't down there, so
where do you suppose they're keepin' her?"
"Let's try upstairs," Godfather suggests.
Hood hears angry footsteps below them, and he leads the charge
up the steps. He sees a wooden door at the top of the steps.
He wonders if the princess could be in there...?
"That guy's gonna get wise and come up these stairs real soon,"
Godfather observes.
"OK- stand back!" Hood brings his weapons online and blasts
the door in. They enter the room and, through the smoke, Hood
can make out the shape of-
"The princess!" Prince yells. Hood grabs her just as the Big
Giant comes charging into the room.
"Too late!" Godfather yells. "Now whatta we do?!"
"The window!" Hood transforms into jet mode, dully hoping the
Princess will fit in his sub space. She does, and the others follow
suit; transforming and following Hood as he crashes through the
window.
As they ascend higher into the sky, they can vaguely hear the Giant
bellowing obscenities at them.
"I wonder if he can fly," Godfather says casually. "Maybe you
outta wish us back to the castle." "And waste my last wish? Yeah
right!"
"Um... Hood, my dear sir. The Giant does seem to be following us."
"So what. He's too slow to catch us."
"Yeah, but he can tail us back to the castle and then he'll know
where Princess lives..."
"Like a castle is that hard to miss," Hood mumbles. "Alright
Godfather- wish us into the throne room of the castle."
Fortunately for everyone involved, the three had started
to cut their engines and transform just before Godfather wished
them inside the castle.
Hood transformed all the way and landed before the King. The
Princess ran up to her father and they embraced. "How touching,"
Prince said.
"How mushy," Hood said.
"Excellent job, you three!" The King exclained. "And here is
your reward."
Yellow and purple servants [Constructicons] cargoed out
the energon cubes.
"If you wish; I can have my coach [Astrotrain] transport them
to wherever you want."
"That would be great; thank you sir," Hood says.
So Hood gets his energon cubes; Godfather fulfills his
contract; and Prince finally finds his maiden to marry. And they
all lived happily ever after.
THE END
Skywarp looks down at Rumble and Frenzy from where he
is sitting. Frenzy is sitting on the floor in front of him leaning
backwards on his hands. Rumble is laying on his belly with
his head propped in his hands; elbows on the floor.
"That was a great story Warp!" "Yeah, it sure was," the duet
agrees.
Skywarp smiled and boasted that he had made it up on the spot,
no less. [Don't believe him- this took 4 weeks to finish.]
The Seeker was just about to ask them if they wanted to hear
part two, when a scramble alarm went off throughout the base.
"C'mon Warp! Time to bust some Autobot heads!"
NOW- THE END!... ?