Do you bring your non-Tf fan spouse, family, S.O. on convention trips?, Wondering about whether to bring my wife to Botcon. Options

[D Buster Prime]

My wife and I live in NYC. Last year she came with me to NYCC for a single afternoon, and she wasn't into it at all. I didn't ask her to go, she just wanted to be there with me. While she ddnt complain, I think I may have had a better time just hanging with people who were genuinely into it, so that when I let my geek out, I get to interact with people who get what I'm talking about.

I just signed up to get a hotel for Botcon, my first time going in years. My wife asked if she could come to. She won't go to the convention itself, but would hang out on her own during the day. However, I'm sure we would be expected to get together for dinner, etc., which is also time that I could be hanging out with more Tf fans.

So, I have mixed feelings about bringing her along with me, and I was wondering if anybody else who has brought a non-fan along to a convention (or deliberately decided to leave them behind) could share about their choices/experiences/advice.

Thanks in advance.

[orionpax44]

The fact that your wife wants to come along in some sense I think says alot. My wife does not dig the whole transfan thing and thinks its a waste of my time and money but tolerates it cause it makes me happy.

I get to go to small conventions like the NJCC and other local toys shows. If Botcon ever came close to Delawhere? again I may get to go. If my wife wanted to go with me I would definitely want her there with me and just let my geek out regardless ( I do it with my bro and best friend all the time).

It may be that she wants to be close to you and if she doesn't want to go to the convention and just do her thing I say let her and just meet up for breakfast and/or dinner. I would view Botcon as a type of vacation and in my situation she may want to do the other stuff in Dallas while still sharing some time with you.

My opinion is take her, cause if you tell her no when she wants to go it may put you in the doghouse. now you could explain it to her but in the end I dont think there is any nice way of telling your spouse that you don't want them around. Also think about reverseing the the conversation in you head and see how it feels.

Good luck with you decision

[GEN1FAN]

Hello,

Now here is a question you don't see come up for botcon questions. I'm exwife came with me in 07 and again 09. Just so you know in 07 we had my 2 nephews with us, so she had them to look after and she took them to look around rhode island. In 09 she hang out with some of other wifes and went shopping with them. She was nice effort to stand in line for me to get some things I wanted signed. But I bought her a primus package so she could walkin to the dealer room when she wanted and was able to go to the evening events. Plus we sold off her toys to recover some of the trip cost. Hope this helps if u got any other questions u can pm me

[The Muse]

You are being rather rude to your wife by even asking this (in the general tone of your post). She from your post, said she wasn't likely to go to the convention. So yuck it up with people in there during con hours. If she wants to have dinner-breakfast-whatever after con hours. You are being quite petty by stating you don't want her there, because she'll ruin your fun. What exactly are you hiding? Because that'll be the first thought she has. She wants to go because it's in support of you and your interests. It's indefinately better than having her bitch at you for your hobby. If she's bored and you notice it. Let her know it's ok to explore on her own if she wants.

No, my SO isn't a big transformers fan. Yes, he asked to join me, next Botcon I go to. My response was yes. He's going because it's something I like. His presence sure as hell won't stop me from having fun. I'll still be my nerdy jawa Transformer loving self. Why would I have to act different? To be honest the fact he wants to share in my hobby makes it all the better for me. I'm very much looking forward to sharing it with him.

That said, I've gone to anime conventions. Which REALLY aren't my thing. Bore the hell out of me. But he enjoys them, so I go. Because I want to, and to support his likes. You don't have to like everything she does. And she doesn't have to like everything you do. But if they want to share in the experience (or just explore while you have fun) saying you don't want them around sounds frickin' bad on your part.

[Dissever]

I feel like Muse's interests coincide just enough with her beau's that the entire convention experience isn't going to grate too badly on her. Would your wife be interested in ANY sort of popular culture convention? My guess is no, considering her lukewarm reception to NYCC. I DO agree with Muse, though, that not bringing her is asking for trouble, especially if she is jealous of your time and attention.

I think it is fair to set aside one private evening for you two. That said, what precisely are your concerns (both short and long term) with bringing her to dinner and bars with us for the rest of the convention?

[The Muse]

I feel like Muse's interests coincide just enough with her beau's that the entire convention experience isn't going to grate too badly on her. Would your wife be interested in ANY sort of popular culture convention? My guess is no, considering her lukewarm reception to NYCC. I DO agree with Muse, though, that not bringing her is asking for trouble, especially if she is jealous of your time and attention.

I think it is fair to set aside one private evening for you two. That said, what precisely are your concerns (both short and long term) with bringing her to dinner and bars with us for the rest of the convention?

Bolded QFT.

You are right my situation is ideal.

It's not at all a bad thing when your partner wishes to spend time with you. Doesn't seem so much the issue she's jealous over... desiring to show some support. I could be reading it wrong. But the fact she wants to go... yet understands the need for space in spending time at the con. Tends to say she merely wants to support his hobby to a degree she is comfortable with.

I will say dinners and bars are hardly places where she'd be geekicide. And I'm very much a believer in compromise. If she even wants to have dinners and such together. I don't get what the concern is either.

[D Buster Prime]

You are being rather rude to your wife by even asking this (in the general tone of your post).

I didn't realize it was rude to ask for people's experiences in trying to help figure out a decision.

I never claimed to be a perfect husband. If I thought I was, I wouldn't have bothered asking for advice. I'm only one-and-a-half years in, and I ask for relationship/marriage advice from trusted friends regularly.

I'm not going to be ashamed for being honest about struggling with a decision, having the presence to know that I don't know if I could comfortably come to the right answer on my own, and going out of my way to seek the advice of others, including explicitly asking for advice from people who have brought non-fan company along for the trip.

Hearing about people telling me that they brought non-fan families on trips and had a good time is reassuring and helpful. People that have been through those kinds of experiences have an insight that I just don't have, and I'm grateful to hear their stories (including yours).

[D Buster Prime]

I think it is fair to set aside one private evening for you two. That said, what precisely are your concerns (both short and long term) with bringing her to dinner and bars with us for the rest of the convention?

I haven't been to a lot of conventions and hung out with others. I didn't know what the experience is like for non-fans coming along for bars/dinner, etc., and whether they were able to have fun, too, or whether it would just be better to forget about evening stuff with fellow fans, and just do stuff with just the two of us.

It's a new situation for me, and I'm just trying to gauge things in advance.

This post has been edited by D Buster Prime: Dec 17 2011, 06:15 PM

[The Muse]

You are being rather rude to your wife by even asking this (in the general tone of your post).

I didn't realize it was rude to ask for people's experiences in trying to help figure out a decision.

I never claimed to be a perfect husband. If I thought I was, I wouldn't have bothered asking for advice. I'm only one-and-a-half years in, and I ask for relationship/marriage advice from trusted friends regularly.

I'm not going to be ashamed for being honest about struggling with a decision, having the presence to know that I don't know if I could comfortably come to the right answer on my own, and going out of my way to seek the advice of others, including explicitly asking for advice from people who have brought non-fan company along for the trip.

Hearing about people telling me that they brought non-fan families on trips and had a good time is reassuring and helpful. People that have been through those kinds of experiences have an insight that I just don't have, and I'm grateful to hear their stories (including yours).

It's the way you worded things that is perceived as rather rude. You come across as a bit self absorbed. Clearly that was not your intention.

As for the dinners. She'll either enjoy it. Or she won't ... if she doesn't she'll likely pass on the next evenings dinner/bar going excursion. All in all these are questions you should be asking her. Does she want to go to dinners with fans. Or without. Does she want to go to a bar with fans. Or without. She's already made it fairly clear she'll explore while you are at the convention. Sounds like she is fairly good at figuring things out on her own after trying something.

[GEN1FAN]

If she asked u to come with then I would sit down with your wife and explain to her your considers. Let her know that you don't want her to go to botcon and be totally bored or upset with you. Let her know that you have been told that their will be long lines at this show. As a dealer I seen people stand lining up at 8am on friday just so they can be the 1st into the dealers room. Most oof the boards have their own meet up during the weekend, then you have the room to room trading when the dealer room is closed.

Like I said before if you bring her I recommend that you buy her a primus package so she can go into the dealer room with you and go to all the other events as well. Sell off her toys to recover some of the trip cost. Depending on what tours they have for this year maybe you could go on that together and have some fun that way.

[MirageAg99]

My wife comes with me every chance I get to goto Botcon. She is not a Transfan, but she enjoys the group of people that go.
She really enjoys meeting the bewildered spouses; I think it is the main reason she likes to come with me. With Botcon being what it is (a large convention many of us use as a vacation with our loved ones), I'm sure your wife will find her area of enjoyment, and she will have as much fun as you.

[xZAOx]

You are being rather rude to your wife by even asking this (in the general tone of your post).

I didn't realize it was rude to ask for people's experiences in trying to help figure out a decision.

I never claimed to be a perfect husband. If I thought I was, I wouldn't have bothered asking for advice. I'm only one-and-a-half years in, and I ask for relationship/marriage advice from trusted friends regularly.

I'm not going to be ashamed for being honest about struggling with a decision, having the presence to know that I don't know if I could comfortably come to the right answer on my own, and going out of my way to seek the advice of others, including explicitly asking for advice from people who have brought non-fan company along for the trip.

Hearing about people telling me that they brought non-fan families on trips and had a good time is reassuring and helpful. People that have been through those kinds of experiences have an insight that I just don't have, and I'm grateful to hear their stories (including yours).

You're not being rude - Muse is overreacting =P. Every relationship is different - in Muse's case, that'd be rude, but probably not in your case. And it definitely wouldn't be rude in mine.

My wife knows I don't want her (or my daughter) there during convention time. And to think it's because I'm hiding something? lolololol. You got to have some serious trust issues if that's the case. It's the one time a year I get to nerd out with friends with no responsibilities to anyone else. She gets time like that too. If my wife came along, she knew that we'd be spending a lot of money on this trip, and the point is to maximize it to make worth as much as possible. If she came, we'd have to bring my daughter (who is only 18 months currently), so neither of them would enjoy it. My wife would get stuck babysitting in a hotel room the whole time. It'd just make it less fun for everyone.

However, if some year it's somewhere that she'd be wanting to visit as a vacation, it'd be slightly different - we'd go early, to vacation as a family and focus on family time. Then she and my daughter would go home when the convention started.

My wife doesn't mind my hobby in the slightest, but she has no interest in it. Even if we didn't have our daughter, she wouldn't want to come.

So, to bring it back on point - the best thing to do is just talk more with your SO. If you're like me, it's not a "I want to get away from you" thing, it's just a "It's a time I get to be 100% into something else". If my wife came along, I'd be worried about her being bored, etc. Instead she usually visits her family (they live 5-6 hours away) while I'm at BotCon, so we both get to have a good time.

[Ursa Magnus]

My wife came with me one time to the Pittsburgh Comicon the year we got married. She said she wanted to experience a convention, since she'd never done so before (she's not into any geeky stuff except tangentially to humor me). I figured Pittsburgh, being fairly low-key, would work well for her first.

She was like a deer in the headlights, and had a death-grip on my arm the whole time.

Needless to say, she has not gone (and has no interest in going) to another. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/icon-fire.gif)

[Dissever]

I've been trying to refrain from the 'Yeah sure, bring her then she'll never bother you with it EVER again, lol' line, but Ursa's anecdote has tipped me over the edge. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/icon-fire.gif)

[Esser-Z]

Absolutely I do. Who else would carry me on my litter?

[Blacknife]

Your wife basically wants to go on a trip with you to a location that conveniently happens to have a Botcon there. Balance out what you want to do and what she wants to do and make sure it's exceedingly clear how you will actually divide up that said time.

[Powered Convoy]

I bring my girlfriend with me to these and she enjoys herself. Though we do other things days before the convention in town unrelated to Transformers. She does get a little sleepy in the more boring (to her) panels.

Randy

[thrust222]

I'm bringing my daughter this year, though we are also bringing game systems and what not for the boring to her times. I would have loved if my wife would have every come to a botcon, but that would have never happened.

[McFly]

My wife doesn't care for the panels, the dealer room, or much of what FunPub does. (If you think I'm vocal about that last one, you should meet her.)

I didn't bring her to BC 2006, I brought her to Lexington. I didn't bring her to 2010, I brought her to WDW. Ditto last year with Pasadena.

I *may* be a bad example here, as I tend to skip out on panels to enjoy the actual city I'm in anyway, but that's how we roll. We drag other BotCon friends around with us, but there's been a running joke that BotCon (the planned event) gets in the way of BotCon (the one week a year we all get together and hang out.)

Of course, I would hope that your wife and friends can get along well, but that really has less to do with Transformers and everything to do with general happiness.

[Galenraff]

I brought my wife to 2007, and she was happy to see what it was all about and meet the people I know and see that you're not all just a bunch of basement-dwelling neckbeards. But she didn't care for a lot of the other convention stuff. She was amused with the dealer room for about 15-30 minutes just because it IS a spectacle, and she really liked the movie premier and that whole atmosphere. But the rest of it not so much. She sat in Cullen's panel, probably the best, most accessible kind of panel for a non-fan, and she was still super bored.

She spent most of the time in Providence shopping and just seeing what little the city had to offer. What made the trip work for her was that we went to Boston for a few days beforehand and did the touristy thing just the two of us. So we had that time together, but we had an understanding from the start that convention time was convention time. She was welcome to do as much or as little of it as she liked, but I wasn't going to be skipping con stuff to do other things.

I think DBP is doing the right thing asking about this and thinking about what affect his wife's presence is going to have on their enjoyment of the trip. If she genuinely wants to come, that's great, but I think he's doing good in considering her feelings about whether or not she's really going to enjoy the con if she didn't really like NYCC. It reasonable to expect that she might be considering that the two of them would have some alone time that weekend away from the con or doing sightseeing or whatever, and I think it's good that DBP is realizing that he isn't going to want to do that since this is his limited opportunity to really nerd out with TF fans. Setting those expectations now is a GOOD thing. While I think compromising on "one dinner just the two of you" wouldn't be the worst thing, if that's not how he wants to spend his Botcon time, he shouldn't have to. If his wife doesn't actually want to go to Botcon, asserts herself on his Botcon time and then makes the assumption that he be expected to skip some of that just because she's there, that's remarkably unfair of her.

So in my opinion, from my experience (and from Powered Convoy's too), make it clear that Botcon time is for Botcon and nerd friends, and that she's more than welcome to come to that if she wants, but that THAT'S what she's getting into if she expects to spend time with you that weekend. If you both want to take a couple of days before or after the con to have a vacation in Dallas as a couple, that's great...do that! (Though as I said, if those boundaries and that kind of compromise on her part simply aren't going to fly, and if you can get away with agreeing to a single dinner one night...it's not such a bad compromise for you either. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/icon-fire.gif) )