There goes a good 10 years of my life, Yeah my fiancee left me Rating Options

[Dissever]

It would require... either having access to that person's email or craigslist account (who actually MAKES one of those though?) OR looking at EVERY entry that might be a match, and then clicking through to see if a recognizable phone number pops up. OR more extremely, as has been pointed out, sussing out writing style and pet types/specs. The best case scenario here really is 'continuing to access personal email post-breakup'. The others? ~shudder~

[Daytonus]

Yeah, I know how craigslist works. I even use it sometimes. I was just trying to not assume stalker-ish behavior unless it was completely obvious. It's possible to browse craiglist entries in a given area and to potentially pick out an entry based on features in the subject line, right? It's still potentially sketchy, but we're allowed to be a LITTLE sketchy in our worst moments.

[CORVUS]

We just want to make sure that a "little sketchy" doesn't end up becoming "lots creepy".

[Ironbite]

Been talking to a friend of her's and apparently when said friend came out in Augest with another friend, my ex told her that her and her best friend(female) were "meant to be". I have no doubt in my mind now that even though I was faithful, she wasn't.

Ironbite-so excuse me if I find a bit of pleasure in the fact she ran off with this chick with no plan whatsoever.

[Varnon]

I understand doing anything you can to get some sort of explanation in this situation. Just be careful you don't develop any nasty habits.

[Ironbite]

She lied and called me abusive. I think any type of courtesy I could give her is long gone.

Ironbite-especially now that I have the sneaking suspicion she was cheating on me.

[CORVUS]

Then ignore her. Paying attention to what she's doing only increases the temptation to follow up, and prolongs the pain. You need her out of your life, and you need to gradually lessen the space she's currently renting in your head.

[Daytonus]

she's apparently too poor to rent it. She's just squatting now.

[Nyarlathotep]

How old is she? maybe this is some sort of mid-life-crisis thing.

[DarkeklawGW]

IB let it go...

[MonsterFromMars]

Just let it go and distance yourself from it as possible. Like I said before don't deny your feelings about it. But it's better to forget about her.


In the end you only want to know why because your ego was bruised. Even if you can constructively face the truth on why. It's best not to bother.

I know because I once just wanted to talk to someone I met on pof.

I can sometimes be easily misunderstood by people. And I felt I had somewhat let her down. I was no longer interested in her and was fine that she found someone else. I just felt that I might've accidentally offended her in some way.

Big mistake to bother. She could've just been inherently spiteful at me for nothing. And missed out On what I could have offered.

But it wasn't worth the trouble.


She ignored me when I just wanted to talk to her. And it had nothing to even do with the rejection. And I got sucked in by her ignoring me. It brought out feelings on the situation that I wasn't interested in throwing at her.


And it really just created a bad situation where I baited her out of frusteration. Because all I had wanted was to let her know I thought she was a cool person and I would have liked to had been friends.


Nothing but bitter insecurity on her part and a need to control men did her own ego and spite.


Don't waste your time. A good woman would be able to not hold spite if you failed to fulfill her romantic desires. And would be willing to talk to you as a Freind openly. And show a willingness to get to know you without any spite.

But not all people are great like that. Some people have well hidden spite and want to control guys with stupid petty behavior.


Don't bother. Instead look at what her Leaving you says about her.

I'm not saying to be arrogant. Or to think less or badly of her. Just consider she may not be mature enough to talk to about it.


A good and mature woman. I feel would be willing to talk to you. And not because she thinks she has to. But because she's a good person that understands that no one is perfect. And such.


Im not saying your ex is a bad person. I just feel a mature person would have faced you openly about their decision.


I feel you should forget this woman and not let your heart put a false level of value on her that's contrary to the truth.

[MonsterFromMars]

Heres the best advice I could give you on Moving on Ironbite.








What im going to say I can see how it will seem out or out of the norm. But really, after several years on sites like Plentyoffish and the last few experiences I had with several women.



I've noted something. And, im sorry in advance if it seems like I'm giving sweeping generalizations here. Im also not trying to make poor assumptions or stereotypes on women. Or trying to encourage pettiness or unfairness in relationships.


Women seem to be more sensitive to rejection than guys. And therefore they seem to have built better coping mechanisms to keep their confidence up and stop themselves from feeling miserable about being single. And about needing to feel clingy or attached to guys.

I've noticed it in how easily women can just forget guys these days. Or jump easily and quickly and lose interest in someone else.


The modern era isn't what it was in our parents time or the years before that. You clearly need game to survive these days even if you aren't a playa. Because everyone has figured out the methods to not feel attached to someone. Even when they are in a serious relationship.


My advice do anything that would keep your level of confidence and testosterone up. Workout, shoot some hoops, go and dance and break a sweat. And don't give a flying hug what anyone thinks. Go take a dancing class, do boxing. Ride a bike or go for a run.

Anything that keeps your metabolism up do it.

If you need to have a few drinks and shoot the **** with some buds go do it. Don't get hungover or drunk just drink enough to have a good time.

If you need to go to the the strip club just go. Yes, I personally don't like giving that advice. Im, also not that kind of person. I was brought up to not go to places like that. But, what I mean here. Even if it won't facilitate feelings of love. Go anywhere where you can be around other women and have a good time.

Even if you need to go to one of those student colleges to get a haircut where theres lots of beautiful female hairdressers. I wen't to one of those places to get my hair cut. And it was a great experience. It was amazing how much fun it was to just platonically talk to some of those girls. And that some of them were actually somewhat interested as well.


And lastly, even if you get into a serious relationship. Get some female freinds. Hold some cards in the deck.


I would never suggest being unfaithful. If you find a girl thats faithful or loyal especially, you don't mess with that. You respect and honor it. It makes no sense to ruin perfectly good women. For the stupidity of other people. Never base how you treat someone. On what someone else did to you. I've always have been adamant about it with guys. If you find a girl thats loyal and faithful. Never ever cheat. You'll only ruin her for yourself and other guys. And just contribute to the cycle. which is just making things today worse and worse. To fill anyone with hate and to teach more people to be dishonest. Is whats holding our generation back. And ruining marriages, and relationships. It only stops when people put their foot down. Instead of agreeing with whats going on. And adopting the behaviours that started the problem in the first place. Although that dosen't mean that people shouldn't use certain things to their advantage. If you need to keep your confidence up any way possible then do it.


With how society has changed. It's not the battlefield it was years ago. And a lot of guys aren't equipped to deal with it.


And, I've noticed some women are so insecure they don't want men to get the confidence to know their full potential. And would rather have you kept down, having no realization of what your options are. I mean I remmeber years ago it was so much easier to make female freinds. Even get advice and help from women.

But the modern generation has become more game oriented. It seems like everything is small social cliques. Where females make themselves inacessible to guys. Don't have as much sympathy or pity for guys as they used to. Probably burned by unfaithful guys. And they want to have guys kept down as possible as they could. The same probably goes for some guys too.

But anyways, i've come to realize it's like that these days. The best things to do. Is do things that re-assert your confidence and allow you to meet and interact with several women. And keep your adrenaline and confidence up.


I used to use videogames and my transformers collecting to de-stress. And it isn't enough anymore. Eventually it burns out. Like if you were an alcoholic or a drug addict. And the stimulus decreases over time.


The best thing to do is anything that releases your endorphins. And to be in situations that improve your confidence and keep you too busy to worry about things.


And like I said it's always better to have several cards in the deck.

This post has been edited by MonsterFromMars: Mar 23 2012, 02:00 PM

[Robowang]

We can relate to how you feel. Our significant other broke up with us the other day and while talking with them today they mentioned how alone they feel without this new person they are with. We assume they left us because they meant this new person even tho we get the feeling this new person doesn't like them in the same way. =/ Now we just feel empty inside.

Are you in a multi partner relationship? At least you still have each other.

This is gonna sound horrible, but what I hear in my head as I read that is Venom calling into The Delilah Show.

[Dissever]

And lastly, even if you get into a serious relationship. Get some female freinds. Hold some cards in the deck.
And like I said it's always better to have several cards in the deck.

What the hugging jive this is terrible advice. Curry female friends for the purpose of future hugbuddies? Really?

[Rust]

I don't agree with the above video, it's just what I immediately thought of.

This post has been edited by Rust: Mar 23 2012, 03:48 PM

[NICKSAUR]

I'd say have female friends because its healthy to build good relationships with the opposite sex and understand they're not a separate race of crazy people.

Well, mostly.

[The Predaking]

I'd say have female friends because its healthy to build good relationships with the opposite sex and understand they're not a separate race of crazy people.

I have yet to find much evidence of this theory.

[Beast Girl]

Ouch! Look at it this way ironbite..... think about what might have happened if you had married her? I don't think it would have worked out for you considering that she was using you to do all of her work. So maybe it's a blessing in disguise that you didn't marry her.

[Stormrave]

I'm sorry to hear that Ironbite.

I wouldn't say the last ten years were a waste. I think you had some good times with her, and hopefully in time you'll be able to enjoy those memories while accepting that they don't mean you were right for each other forever.

That's kind of how I think about my high school boyfriend now. At the time, he helped me through some dark places and we had some good times together. But he wasn't the right person for me to spend my life with, even though I thought I wanted that at the time. I'm finally at a point where I can enjoy the good memories and stuff like the books and music he introduced me to, without feeling angry at him or at myself. And I hope you get there too.

[MonsterFromMars]

I'd say have female friends because its healthy to build good relationships with the opposite sex and understand they're not a separate race of crazy people.

Well, mostly.

Exactly.


And, Dissever please... Tons of women do the exact thing. The thing is if women mostly all do it guys may as well. I'm sorry for being honest.

But seriously lots of women do, do this.

Now mind I'm not accusing that anyone is keeping male buddies for hug buddies.


But face it lots of people will make friends with people. So they have a Person to call up. If a relationship goes sour. It may be friends or even that the person would make a potential date. But dont tell me women and men don't do this.


Why should I date a woman to get dumped. Because she found a better guy. And not already have other friends that could either help me meet someone, go out a bit as friends, or even be someone you could start dating.

And not everything is straight to literally about sex.

If you know some women strictly platonically. And you know they'd like you and your single again. Why not offer to start dating.